I remember coming to this site 7 years ago, at the time my name was wishingitwasover.. After 7 years of dealing with my husbands midlife crisis I have learned many things and yes I am still Married to him..
when he first left I thought my life was over, I was heart broken I thought how do I get over this? How do I move on in life?? will he ever come back or will we be divorced??
After learning about this site and all the wonderful people on it I got I guess you could say stronger, I got some great tools here how to deal with him, and how to deal with all my crazy emotions and trust me I had many....
We never got back together but we are still married, he went 4 years ago and got himself a new house, and I was the one that picked the house for him...you see we are like best friends now, he calls me everyday and I call him a few times a week, we have children together of course they are now both over 18 and he is apart of the kids lives.(Thank God) I have learned how to deal with him, and yes in my eyes he is coming to the end of his crisis he is still in it, but I do see the change in him The old him..People tell me all the time that he still loves me, And I know he does but he is Not IN LOVE with me and right now in my life I am fine with that.
Once I understood I could not change him back to who he was, Once I understood I had to let him go through the crisis is when my life became better, I let go and acted AS IF and moved on with MY life, I had been a stay at home mom from the age of 18 I never worked in 27 years, I had no skills I had no college education, I was pretty much starting over in life, I started out small working in retail, I learned all about how to run a store and what it took, I took notes I watched people in the company and moved up very fast and became a manager. I grew in my Job and for the first time in a very long time grew as a person.. There was no more time to invest in my husband I had a life of my own now, I had dead lines to meet, I had a home to run, I had a son to care for at the time, I had filled my life with so many things I had no time for him or his drama..
Now with all these new things in my Life including a new man My Husband started seeing the change in me, he would ask me about my job, he would ask me about little things, and then before I knew it he was calling more and more, telling me about his day, telling me about things going on in his life, BUT he NEVER tells me about anybody he is dating, he will not touch that subject with me to this day... this is how I know he is still in his crisis..
When the phone calls started I did not look to much into it, then he started paying taxes on the property that is still in both of our names, then he would come pick up our son like 4 times a week take him out and buy him things go to the movies with him, out to eat,,, then it went to him wanting to fix the house up and he paid for somethings to get done,, this has been going on for the past 2 years... He never talks about us, he Never touches on what happen, He never says I am sorry for the hell you went through, and guess what I am fine with that, he has suffered and he has lost so much, he has been in his own Hell for seven long years, he no longer wants a divorce he wants to take care of me even though I am living with someone else, he has told me over the past 2 years that I was a amazing woman, that I have earned my wings, that he has never met anyone like me and never will... I believe he misses what was but in his mind he can not go back, in his mind he has caused to much damage, Our cars, home, insurance is still in both of our names we still file taxes together, we just live in different homes, I teased him the other day and said he was the most perfect husband a woman could have, I told him I do not have to do your laundry, I do not have to cook your meals, I do Not have to listen to you when you are moody, I said this is a great marriage.. He laughed he said your crazy and I said yes yes I am but you love me,..
So my lesson was LET GO, Act as if, show them that you will be okay, Do not let them see you hurting or hear your complaints because when they are in the crisis they do NOT have the tools to deal with it..when they start to see the change in you they start to think...
This is not something I would want anyone in life to deal with, this was the roller coaster ride from hell, but in my case I got off the ride and moved on in hopes that I could move on and be happy, and I am..
Hang in there all of you, life does get better when dealing with a crisis like this.
