I am not struggling to deal with her regarding older kids' expenses. I have a 20 year old and an 18 year old. Both will be moving away to college and we will need another car for one of them. Given that they aren't minors, court has no juristiction over ensuring parents equally contribute.
We are not in a place where we can agree on who should pay for what - I just expect her to pay half.
When I was in the divorce process I wanted a written agreement that we would split the expenses for the adult children. I was willing to agree to a 50/50 split even though he makes over 2X what I make. He refused. He said he didn't know what his financial situation wold be so he couldn't agree to that. (Even though I realize now that he knew he would be getting remarried and be in a 2 income family where both partners make more than twice what I make.) I didn't know my future situation either, but I was willing to commit. Five years later and he paid nothing for our kids college educations. they got scholarships, grants, and took loans, and I helped with what I could. (Of course he and his wife are paying for HER daughters entire college education with no finanial aid.) I have paid their car insurance and their cell phones. Every now and then he makes a grand gesture and buys things like new tires or recently a laptop, but his expenses for them have not neared the total I have spent. But I couldn't live with myself if I was doing to my kids what he has done. I couldn't justify the selfishness.
It would be nice if we could get what we expect.....a fair division of expenses.
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
