Don't panic, panic is your enemy. I have helped several people on this board who were convinced they would never hear from their spouse again unless they pursued them now. Don't do it, if you chase her she *will* run.
Don't talk about your relationship, don't tell her you love her. Be the first one to end your conversations. Be polite. You should feel free to pursue seeing you S. You have every right to be the best father you can be. Just make it about that when you talk to your W for now.
One of the things I learned is that stating your feelings over and over again is not necessary. If she's not deaf, she heard you and she knows. You need to detach and give her space. It is the only thing that works right now.
Find another outlet for your emotions -- a friend is a good choice, particularly an old friend you haven't seen for a while that you won't run into around town. Find someone you can call to vent and you will be less likely to need to drop it on your W. Running is good too, the more exercise the better right now.
Hang in there, it will get better. Just know that backsliding prolongs recovery so dig deep and be as tough as you can be.
Accuray
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
