wife won't admit PA with OM

[25yearsmlc]

25 we are saying the same thing, although I definitely felt the long term EA would be worse than a one night PA, and the worst of all would be a long term EA that went PA.

Looked into Retrouvaille, there's one here in January. W won't go, but it does look good.

Accuray

Retrovaille really is a Godsend and I'm grateful for it. But we were in the mood for fixing things in ourselves AND we were willing to do the follow up although we didn't know how it would be for us, commuting...(the workshop was in a different place so we had a HUGE drive for the follow up and that was tough).


As for the one night stand, to me, the one night "anything" is something that I can say now, would not necessarily, matter a whole lot.

When I was first married the very thought of that horrified me. But that was then. I'm wiser and less judgemental and rigid now. And I'm more secure.

And as for the emotional thing, or "emotional affair", there is a gray area there that no one is addressing. IF a man KNEW that the EA would NEVER go beyond talk,

there are plenty of men who would LIKE it if someone else got to hear their wives problems...sad, but true. Maybe that also applies to husbands having EAs but since women tend to emote and talk more, it is more likely to be a woman with issues talking to OM, than the reverse.

Second, there are topics we share with our girlfriends AND a male friend that might be something our spouse is not comfortable talking about, like the death of someone or disease OR politics or religion.

You may have a legit reason to discuss it with a friend and yet suddenly if the friend is the oppsoite sex ---OMG- it's a sin.

My real point is, It's a lot harder to know when you are "over the line" in an EA

than a PA....

Simply put- a Physical affair requires some ACT on your end, and an EA doesn't....

I am sure now SOMEONE out there who is hurting, will want to quibble about that and pretend that "All EAs are wrong and just the same and just as wrong as a PA!!" and I've seen very rigid people posting that here.

I always wonder, how that rigid viewpoint and hammering home that point, repeatedly, is working in their marriage...


At the time of my "almost PA", which is how I would describe it, I didn't feel my interactions with OM were inappropriate - UNTIL we both wanted more.

Jake, your comments suggest to me, that you are more threatened by the PA and in part that's bc you know

for YOUR WIFE, like most women, a PA ALSO MEANS AN EA...

so of course you'd prefer only an EA.

A lot of men can have either or both with a woman. But Not so much women...

To my feminist friends who want to harangue about that^^^ comment, hey, if you are over 40 you can address it but otherwise, wait til then... things may not be so black and white when you are a bit older.


(I hope I have not managed to offend everyone by now...)