Beginning now...

[irishblessings]

The past couple of days have been a struggle. Not so much missing X - more so feeling the overwhelming burden of responsibility for parenting, maintaining the home, preparing for the holidays, etc. I want it to be easier by now. I feel as though I have nothing to look forward to - except more and more responsibility. I was recently reading a book that talked about when men leave as a result of midlife crisis, or not wanting responsibility etc. It basically said - it [censored], but there is really no explanation behind it except for basic character flaws that were revealed. It said it was the hardest type of break up to get over - because women want to blame themselves and in these situations it is not their fault.

So I keep moving forward, building as much of a life as possible within the boundaries of the responsibilities I have, and I keep trying to give release to the sadness that seems to be ever present in my heart.