Learning from the pain....hard lessons

[In_Shock]

I have appt with L on Tuesday at 4 pm. You guys keep me in your thoughts/prayers. I am so so so so afraid that since I'm in a state where I have no legal rights to S....they will tell me there is nothing i can do. I really don't think W would hurt S by separating he and I, but then again, if you had asked me last year if she would hurt our family by separating US, I'd have laughed... Point is: I am getting legal advice, but don't know what will come of it.

I am also meeting with a lender to see if I can get financing to buy the house IF W is going to let me....again, being at the mercy of W and her ever intrusive family is not easy. I'm walking on eggshells....and terrified.

I've been GAL alot, but that really was never my problem, if you remember. I've always been busy busy busy. I'm just trying to change the type of things I do to more mystery. Going to a Christmas party soon. I wouldn't have done that before!

I do still think that W needs to move out though for my mental health. It's like opening the wound daily. To quote Telemark, I can't even act like a 'rational person' with this shoved so painfully in my face all the time. W went with OW to an event-- spent the night Thurs night....Friday she blatantly wore the Tshirt she had gotten. Is this my imagination or was that callous??? OR is it possible she doesn't know how it hurts me? OR am I just overreacting emotionally and that was a totally normal thing to do?

The world is upside down right now -- I don't know who to trust, where to turn, what to do. But I'm growing every day. I'm learning every day. There is no doubt, Val-- u are right ===the new I_S is going to be much more grounded (even a bit worn out..) than the old I_S, but guess what? She will continue to work on herself FOR herself and S. No matter what rollercoaster W decides to go on. S is the only thing that matters to me now.

All this running to parties, out of town 'events', etc... with OW.... I think W is darn lucky to know that I'm there to be with S. We watched Stuart Little the other night and made popcorn. He loved it.