I'm still here-again

[realormakebeliev]

DG, I know what you mean about the pressure of being twice Dd, this is my #2 as well. I have worried about that myself.

I have a cousin who loves to tell people that it took her 4 times to get it right. Yep, she's been happily married to #4 for about 20 years.

I think the difference for you this time will be all the positive changes you have made. I didn't do that after #1, but I certainly have now, and you know how much you have grown this past year.

That's something to be proud of! And making a positive change after going through such a difficult time would have to be attractive to any potential Mr DGs. This year only proves that you are smart, strong and determined. Who wouldn't want to be with someone like that?

[~¤DG¤~]

I learned 2 things from my 1st M

1. I was way too young to get married

And

2. We were kids trying to play adults

These days when I hear couples are marrying at 21,22,23 I think to myself, why? The divorce rate is high enough as it is, but you throw immaturity into the mix and it's almost certain to not end well.
Yes, compared to being 16 being in your 20's is a lot more mature, but there is still a lot of growing up to do.

I know there are exceptions to every rule and not everyone will agree with me. I think had exh#1 & I gotten married later on in life, we probably would have had a better chance of making it work.

[~¤DG¤~]

Thanks Gabby. Trust me, it wasn't always this amicable.
There was a period of time where we couldn't even be in the same room together. It took a lot of growing up on both of our parts in order for it to happen.
I wish he were more involved with out kids and it frustrates me at times, but I know it could be a lot worse. I'm sure there are things about me that he wishes were different also.

[paige40]

Anytime DG!! I am sure you will be ready to get a break from that snow soon.

I hope one day my and H have the relationship you and your exh have. I told him we have to be around each other for the rest of our lives and we need to be friendly.

[~¤DG¤~]

I hope that for you also Paige, and for everyone who has children with their exes. When you don't get along, it is the kids who suffer the most. My parents have been D for 30 years and they still cannot say nice things about one another.
It is very frustrating and I hate hearing the negativity.

Right now emotions are raw & fresh, and I can understand how being in a room together may be difficult. The trick is to put the kids' needs first. Something that was difficult for my ex & I to do for a long time. We were both wrapped up in our own hurt & anger to think about anything else. We were both pretty selfish.

I'm glad my stbx & I do not have children together. It's easier this way.

[gunny]

Good morning DG,
Hope you are doing well this morning.

Wanted to comment on the idea of people marrying too young. I dont think it is so much the age, but, as you commented, the maturity level at marriage that makes a difference. There is no doubt in my mind that th maturity level of the average 21 year old today is no where near the maturity level of someone who grew up in say the 1930's or 40's. Children in those days were much more self sufficient and much, much less spoiled than are those of today.

Young people in those days had been tempered by the Great Depression and War. They knew the importance of family, and were taught to work together toward a common goal, i.e. putting food on the table, or winning the war. The concept of having to be happy, at the exclusion of all else, (including your s) was alien to these people. The throw away society did not exist. Talk to anyone who is still alive from those generations and they will almost always say the same thing. We worked our problems out, when the going got tough, we rolled up our sleves and went to work, today, when the going gets tought, many times peoples first thoughts are how do I get out of this situation.

Just my 2 cents,

Hope you are doing well today.

[~¤DG¤~]

Absolutely it has to do with maturity.
I was pretty mature for my age when I was 20, because I had a 2 year old son, but I was still immature and not ready for such a commitment. Of course, I can tell my 20 something self that now.

In general, I don't think society views marriage as a sacred union. If we did, then we would marry for life, instead of thinking "well if it doesn't work, we'll just get divorced."
I know a lot of couples who talk to their pets with more respect than they do their spouse. How sad is that?

I remember posting this summer as I sat outside on my patio and heard a couple fighting in the building next to mine.
Both of them screaming, cursing, and calling one another names.
I was appalled by this, but mostly because that used to me.
How could I treat someone I supposedly love & cherish like that?
It was a very eye opening experience for me.
It made me realize that I don't ever want to be in a relationship like that ever again.

Sorry for rambling.....

[Rick1963]

DG you just described some what I did when I got angry. The difference is that my W did Not scream back. She would just stare at me which made me angrier. At the time I felt jsustified. My gripes were legit but I could have done it differently. Hang in there

[~¤DG¤~]

I called family court today to check on the status of our case since I haven't been served any papers from H.
They informed me that no hearing will be scheduled until he serves me, and the waiting period hasn't even begun either.

So now what do I do?

[Valeska19]

What do you want to do DG?

I think the last I read is that you do not want a D.. does this still ring true?

or

Are you ready to leave limboland and move forward?