A fork in the road - EA admitted by wife

[workinghardguy]

Sorry Peter... while the info doesn't really change a whole lot, it still hurts to see it.

Do you want your M back at some point? I'm seriously asking that and not in a harsh way. I think it might help you to do some soul-searching and figure that out. DB is a lot of painful work if at the end of the day you get a result you didn't want anyway.

At the same time, DB also works on us, doesn't it? It helps us see R sabotaging qualities in ourselves. For example... you were mad Saturday morning. But was part of that anger display a ploy to get her to ask what was wrong? So then you could feel ok in letting her know (she asked after all!).

I ask that because I know I do the same thing... heck, I did just the other day when my W deleted all the photos of us as a couple from her FB account. Was I hurt? Yes. Was my hurt all an act? No. But was part of my display a hope that she'd ask what was wrong so I could feel justified in putting it out there? If I'm going to be honest with myself, yes it was.

I should have either a) just dealt with it or b) handled it like an adult. Come to her, in a calm manner, and say what bothered me and why it bothered me. If a co-worker was taking all the credit for a project we worked on that's exactly what I would have done, so why do I use this passive-aggressive style with my W?

So while I'm still figuring out if I want my W back some day, I'm still going to follow-through on DB. Because really, once things get to the point where we on this board are at, it's not about saving our marriages. They're dead, let's face it. It's about saving us and a better us. If we do recon then it's a new marriage, the old one never really can or should be saved.