Finally confronted H on affair...Now what????

[keep_going]

Friday - H was MIA. I texted him to figure out the weekend arrangements with the kids.

He mentioned he was going to his high school's football game alone. (He usually runs into some classmates there). We used to go together all the time. We are both huge sports fans. I miss sharing that with him. I wished him a good time by text.

Saturday - I texted him with the news that a former UCLA basketball player died. (We also used to share everything related to college sports. He responded saying it was sad news. I asked him about the game. He responded with a couple of details - people he ran into and the score. I told him I was glad he had a good time and ended the exchange.

When I dropped off the kids in the evening, he asked if I could stay with them while he went to get milk. I accepted in a friendly way. I looked nice and asked if I could spare the time, since I was going out (so he did notice I was dressed to go out).

It is sad for me to be in our former home. We remodeled it together, ourselves, no subcontractors. We really did a nice job. That's where we conceived our kids. So many memories. And H has now turned it into the ultimate bachelor pad. New furniture, pictures. Very youthful. And lots of presents from OW... I don't like going back there. It makes me feel like I was replaced. I worked hard with H to build a life together and now someone else is enjoying the fruits of our labor and I am tossed to the side.

I know this self-inflicted, negative thinking is not positive. I am snapping out of it now... I just needed to vent.

Back to exchange with H. He came back from store, thanked me again for staying. We were both friendly - genuinly. Has been like that all week. I said I had to run.

H asked where I was going. I responded I was going out with friends for dinner and then to hang out with my brother who had just arrived to visit from my home country. (H loves my brother. I could tell he was a bit bummed that he doesn't get to see him. He said it was nice we were getting together.)

H has said before about my plans when he sees I am going out and I am not reading too much into it. I khow he wants me to move on and have a life and start dating - he's told me so. I know he is not jealous at all or curious about me, he just wants me to be happy. Maybe to feel less guilty? Who knows and it doesn't matter.

It is nice that we are being friendly. I want him to feel comfortable with me again and for him to start trusting me