wife won't admit PA with OM

[25yearsmlc]

wish I had time to say more and forgive my sexism here

but freebird, YOU are a woman and for US, an EA is more threatening. To men, it seems the PA is...and for some it ALL is...whatever

I had an EA 20 years ago and on my own kept it from becoming a PA. I lack the time for details

but believe me, at the time I felt totally justified. Even now, all these years later I can see why I felt as I did b/c H WAS GONE A LOT and no woman would have felt attended to or valued...enough of that...and as for "respect"...well maybe it's semantics.

But I sure felt I respected my h and his work but could not compete with it. He cared for the world's most critically injured patients but he was never home and when he was, he was so pressured and sleep deprived, he was a jerk to be around. And this was not for a month or two, but for years.

So yeah, I almost had a full blown affair. By the grace of God, go I.

If my h had discovered it and tried to shame me or blame me, I would have divorced him and said he pushed me into the arms of OM

and I would have believed it fully....

so my question is a lot like Harrier's....If she is or isn't having a PA OR DID in the past (even more useless and counter productive, imo)

AND OR, if there is "respect" or isn't, (as if there are no other options in human behavior)

THEN WHAT?? End it all b/c he can't get past it? If so, at least own that you Jake are one of those guys who cannot forgive

or get past their egos or whatever else....why "ego?

B/c SHE SAID she wants to be m and you said she's acting like it. Most people here would give an arm for that...


it's YOU who still looks behind your shoulder....

So do I press forward with the assumption that she is lying or assume that she is telling the truth now? I'm finding that an EA would be a lot easier to accept but the possibility of it having been a PA is still unresolved for me. I guess I just don't believe her when she says nothing happened.

Hi Jake:
Just my 2C, but for some reason, for me as much as a PA would kill me to know occurred, I think the EA was be worse as there is an emotional attachment there that is a lot harder to break.

I had told my H that it almost would have been easier for me to accept that he just wanted to "have a little fun" (for lack of a better way to say it) then to grow emotionally attached to OW...it's been harder for me to deal with the fact that he has/(hopefully now "had) some pretty deep feelings for OW...it's such a blow to your self esteem and worth knowing that when deep feeling arise for someone else that you become replaceable to the one person you thought loved you beyond understanding...

My heart aches for you as I know exactly what you're going through and what you're feeling. I too snooped for awhile and everyone is right when they tell you that it just causes more pain. Please try to stop doing this and start trying to heal yourself through your 180's and GALing...

I wish you luck and you are in my prayers...BIG HUGS!!