Another crisis.....but H opening up now

[25yearsmlc]

So he did come back today after all.

However I sensed a difference in how he is interacting with me. On the phone, he did not seem to want to talk to me longer, saying he needed to sleep after a minute of convo, and then the next day he said his phone was dying.

When he got home, he did not look me in the eye and was irritable. I verbalized to him that I feel that his barrier was up, and he just said no, no such thing. When I brought up the topic of the post session today, he said "ok, ok we'll go in a way that sounded like he was just being forced to go.

I think he has been in touch with OW again.

I am wrestling with my self on calling him out or not. My mind says no, he said he will handle it his way, OW will be gone in at most a couple of weeks time, maybe he is just feeling the withdrawal, maybe he has given himself his own internal deadline. Once OW leaves, it will be hard for them to keep in touch as the time difference is terrible and the cost of calling is great. Although with skype and facetime, it should not be a huge barrier. It really should be his determination to keep the M that should motivate him. I know he has a timeline in his head, as he always has for everything, being the control freak he is.

Of course, inside me there is the person who wants to have it all out with him. When things are not going well, I go back to having fantasies of freedom. Ands thinkingof all the things I can do if H were not here, if I didn't have to go through all this. And it is really an exercise in self control and patience to stop, and remind myself of why I want to keep this M. Thats why I am here, at 6 something in the morning, locked in the bathroom and typing my thoughts, venting.

OK, time for some thanksgiving. At least we are going today. I asked him if he really wanted to go, because he didn't sound like he did, and he said no, he was fine with going.

Well, nobody ever said piecing was not bumpy. It might yet be the longest part of this journey, so I better keep my seatbelt fastened, and also curb my desire to give up and flee, just when we are getting close.

Angel I have little time these days to post...but YES piecing is no picnic.

Very bumpy. Many times you question whether you should have bagged it in the first place.

For US, Retrovaille ended, the questions for the most part...at least for a long time. But every crisis that every marriage has, trigger SOME questions in us, however unsaid or deeply hidden...


But I"m a little bummed he isn't more "Cured"but then again, he was not totally "off" of OW when he went. AND in truth, to me it seems as if we were piecing long BEFORE Retrovaille and then it kickstarted us. Whereas you sort of were on the fence about piecing, just hanging in, seeing "what would happen" as if neither of you had any real control over things...

The post weekend activities will help (They won't hurt the r--unlike some mc's, or t's, I can definitely say I never saw Retrovaille aggravate ANYONE's situation...)

But back to your main point, Piecing isn't easy. We had done it for a year BEFORE going to Retrovaille.

So now you both SAY you want the m to work.

You both SEEM to be trying...and that's got to be enough. You can't study and determine "if he really really means it." Not fair, and it IS controlling and hypocricital of you b/c after all,

what if HE knew of your fantasy life about life wihtout him? Just wondering if there's a double standard.

I urge you NOT to repeat the mistakes of the past. (Besides, there are plenty of new ones to make!)..but seriously, anytime you repeat an old mistake, an old "you" triggers old HIM, and it sets you back so far.

NOT worth all the work...so start fresh each day. Stop staring at him for reciprocity -loved your comment about being willing to GIVE and NOT stare at what you are getting back "from the deal" and then withdrawing if it's not enough.


Just love him as best you can. As he is.


FOR NOW, let that be enough.

You'll know down the road if it's not enough for you.

I'm not totally clear on what you think you could have without him, (your fantasy life) but I actually like that you are CHOOSING to be married, not "trapped in terror" of being alone.

It's empowering to know why you are trying. Remember how you felt during the weekend. IT was real.



((( ))))