S7 kept following me around the house trying to listen and I kept going to different rooms. At one point he asked me if we were talking about Christmas and I said yes. I asked him what he wanted to do for Christmas and I swear if he said he wanted to wake up at dad's I would have said yes. He said he wanted to stay home and go to dad's later on Christmas day. Then at one point he said if you guys still lived together we wouldn't have this problem.... breaks my heart...
H came over last night to see the boys. I went upstairs and left them to do their thing. For someone who feels so uncomfortable at my house he sure doesn't have a problem making himself at home. Got a drink, was on the laptop. I need to move that upstairs.
I am sick at the thought of going to the L tomorrow to sign the papers... Was up from 2 to 5 am just thinking. I have no idea how my life got so far out of control.
H came over last night to see the boys. I went upstairs and left them to do their thing. For someone who feels so uncomfortable at my house he sure doesn't have a problem making himself at home. Got a drink, was on the laptop. I need to move that upstairs.
That should be #1 priority, along with setting the boundaries about his behavior in your house. He does not live there anymore and that was his choice.
I know what you mean about the meeting; ours is this Friday. But it is just another step toward the eventual healing. You know you can't continue with things being the way they are now, so you are doing the only thing you can do to protect yourself and your kids. Any other course of action only prolongs the pain. Try to think past the meeting and how you can continue be the superb Mom you already are; everything else is noise in your head.
It's easier said than done, but you are stronger than you give yourself credit for.
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
good morning.. I also was the one to file papers, even though i do not want a divorce...and for the same reasons. financially the kids and I have been struggling. I will tell you that I knew it was going to be one of the hardest things ive done, but was not prepared for how I reacted. When the L put them down in front of me and I saw the date of marriage and date of seperation, and then had to sign... I burst into tears, and i mean complete sobbing mess. I felt like a complete idiot but the L was pretty understanding, she knows the situation. I was not prepared for that at all, so try to prepare yourself and maybe have some place to go right after...do not be alone. maybe meet some friends to keep your mind from dwelling on it. They are just papers....my hope is that this works out and I never have to follow threw with it, but I also know that there is a huge chance that that will not happen and I am in the process of prepareing myself for that...not there yet but at least I can look at that possibility without getting hysterical at this point. ill be thinking of you
Me:48 H:42 M: 18 yrs. S: 9/1/09 due to alcoholic H D bomb: 9/9/11 OW confirmed 10/30/11 D papers filed 11/01/11 S15 S21(Special needs) S28
Look to yourself, It is there that all your answers are found...
I think he was relieved...which made me sad, but it is what it is. He also had no idea i had seen a lawyer but had been putting the hard press on signing papers for weeks.. I now wish i hadnt, but its for the best financially so im focusing on that...
Me:48 H:42 M: 18 yrs. S: 9/1/09 due to alcoholic H D bomb: 9/9/11 OW confirmed 10/30/11 D papers filed 11/01/11 S15 S21(Special needs) S28
Look to yourself, It is there that all your answers are found...
I think that is what I am afraid of that he will be relieved. It hurts me that there is no emotion no sense of loss coming from him that this relationship we have had for 12 years is ending. I have stood by him him through so much, hurts me to think he is so willing to through it all away. My boys are so young, breaks my heart for them. S7 asked if dad was coming to Thanksgiving, he wants to ask him to come over. All I want is my family back and that is so not going to happen.
Feeling very lonely tonight and sorry for myself. [censored] that this is the holiday season also. I think it makes it harder.
I have been in such a funk lately. I know filing was the right thing to do for the boys, regarding child support. But I am just so upset about it. I kept thinking I would be ok in a few days but it isn't going away. I feel worse and worse. I don't know what H is going to say when he does get served and it could be anytime next week.
The ironic part is he seems to be talking to me more lately althought that could be since I told him I didn't want to be with him maybe he thinks I am ok with this. I am so not ok. I feel like a failure as a wife and a mother. there are so many things I wish I could do over, I really can see my part in this. When H dropped the kids off to day I just wanted to hug him and tell him I love him. That wouldn't have gone over well though.
I just don't want a divorce I just want my family back. I feel bad for the boys they keep asking me if daddy is coming for Thanksgiving.
I am so not ok. I feel like a failure as a wife and a mother. there are so many things I wish I could do over, I really can see my part in this. When H dropped the kids off to day I just wanted to hug him and tell him I love him. That wouldn't have gone over well though.
I just don't want a divorce I just want my family back. I feel bad for the boys they keep asking me if daddy is coming for Thanksgiving. [/quote]
I can so relate. I feel like such a failure. Writing that makes me cry. Hearing my D3 cry for daddy is heartbreaking. There is some solace knowing I am not alone. But only some.
Today is better for me then 3 months ago. So maybe try to not compare where you are day to day but holiday to holiday.
You journey with your H is not over. R can still happen.
You have great kids & you need to show them how to deal with adversity! You can do it.
((()))
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
H and I seem to be getting along better he seems like he is talking to me more which is good. We need to be able to talk to each other. We talked a few times today which was nice I had to call him, the tv he took broke so I called about the warranty it is in my name. He called me about something else I was thinking wow this is the most we have talked in awhile. My mom watched my boys today, thanksgiving break, and we went out to dinner. H called while we were out he wanted to get my opinion about the kids christmas gift. Which is how he used to be he always asked me what I thought.
So I had been thinking I should ask him if he wanted to come over on Christmas to see the boys open their gifts from santa. We had a conversation last week and we both wanted the boys on christmas am. He gave up pretty quickly and I said in that conversation he could come over but I didn't think he heard me so i was going to swallow my pride and smash down how uncomfy it would make me and think about the boys. So I told H he could come over on christmas am if he wants to that the boys would love it. So H tells me I don't want to fight with you but since I said he couldn't have the boys he decided he was going to England for Christmas. That is where he is from all his family lives there and that is where OW lives. He had told me previously that he would be gone from the 28 to Jan 4. He just said he wouldn't be around. I knew he was going to England but he didn't say it.
I can't believe he said he was my fault he wasn't going to see the boys on Christmas... I would never not see them on a holiday no matter if it was for 1 hour. I would be there.
I am pretty pleased with my reaction to H. I didn't get mad I didn't have any reaction to him. I did tell him that when we had talked earlier I said he could come over for Christmas but I did'nt think he heard me. He seemed suprised I didn't react and told me he wasn't going to just sit in his apt on Christmas and feel sorry for himself. I said ok its your life you can do whatever you want or something like that. He was waiting for me to lose my mind.
When he called back later to talk to the boys he talked to me again about nothing much. I had to hold it together until the boys went to bed. Then I sort of lost it. I really can't believe that he isn't going to see the boys on christmas. I keep thinking he is going to just run off and have fun with OW. Is he going to take her to his mom's for christmas? I just feel so I don't know how I feel. I knew he was going there but to really know just hurts my feelings.
