Youngster Questions Reality, WAW Moves On...

[Nblost]

Just a quick note to say that I agree that you need to do what feels right for you. I don't mean to be anti-DB-ing either, but I saw kml's post this morning and I don't think you should be afraid to move on at some point if the M doesn't look like it can be saved. You are young and you have almost your whole life ahead of you!

Several of my friends were married in their early 20's and got divorced in their mid-20's. Honestly, in our 40's now, I barely remember that they were married before. Everyone moved on and went on to find better people, had kids, etc. I had a couple 4-year relationships in my 20's. Never got married, but they were good learning experiences. After breaking up from the second one (boyfriend cheated on me while going to school abroad), I was devastated, almost suicidal. I moved on a couple months later though and had a period of being single/dating that was FABULOUS. I traveled alone to Costa Rica to volunteer, I dated a range of people and I did some dumb things...but most of all, I lived life and I think that period set me up to be happily married once I hit 31.

My current husband is having issues now (in an affair) but I've been glad I married him versus anyone else. I also agree you want to feel very solid before you have kids. Having kids really changes things (lots of additional stress) and unfortunately, places more pressure on putting up with some things from a spouse that you might not otherwise.

I wouldn't spend a lot of time on your wife and wondering if she has a mental problem or is in a MLC...she's probably just finding herself in her 20's. I think you will just waste more time if you start to think she is "sick" and thus you owe it to her to try harder. If she comes back, great...if not, I would bet you'll be in a better place. Work on yourself and GAL for you!

M: 43
H: 45
T: 14 years
M: 12 years
Affair: 8/2011, H on the fence
D10, D8, D4