Time to move forward

[GAL Man]

Thanks for looking in Cadet

You can not control her.
You can just be the best DAD possible, which is what it sounds like you are doing.

Yep, spot on, not trying, doing

She is going to have to figure out that anger, blame and projection is not going to make her a good parent.
You can not FIX their relationship

I know, I have changed my approach with the kids, now I say, look try not to get into arguments with mum, she is in a difficult place. Your relationship with your mum is down to you guys, its nothing to do with me (something like that)

The problem I have though, is that by removing myself from W's blame projections and anger it is going elsewhere, i.e. to the kids, which I am concerned about for them

Detachment comes in stages too.

You will know when you are more detached.

And then there will be even further to go.

Completely agree with you. I went out for a poker night last night, and was there for about 6 hrs. I only realised when I was driving home that I hadnt actually thought of her the whole time, and was pleased with myself LOL. That was the first time I had REALLY noticed this. So yes, stages. Dont knwo what stage I'm on or how many there are, but will keep on keeping on

DO you want to save your wife relationship with the children?
That is not something you can do.

I want my kids to have a relationship with their mum and vice verse, yes. But I understand that this is between them, nothing to do with me and nothing I can do really