Feel like I'm living the movie Groundhog Day...

[workinghardguy]

Sad day, pretty down. W and I interacted this morning after she woke up and I was getting ready to head to my volunteering gig. W started telling me about her IC appointment. She prefaced it with "You're not going to like what she had to say." Really? How much worse can it get... so I said get it out there, I don't want it eating at me all day.

W told me that IC said we should end M now, or at least right after the holidays. That W and I should stop sharing a bed and W should move out ASAP with the kids. That her remaining sends me confused messages and that I'll keep trying to work and fix things between us if she remains.

So this is where this board has helped... I could honestly say that I'm not working to fix us, only that I'm working to fix myself. That I know I can't control her or her decisions. She agreed that I've been great in giving her space and it seems like I am letting go.

W said she didn't feel the IC listened to her. That W still doesn't want to split until June when our financial houses are in more order. That splitting now and sending us each into bankruptcy is stupid. W also didn't want to stop sharing a bed since that would destroy the part of not telling the kids yet.

W said the IC could see she is done and wants out, so that became the focus on the session. That all made me feel bad and sad. I had a sliver of hope that IC would give her a new path, though I was highly doubtful. What makes me feel worse is that my W didn't like the appointment and may not return, and the session never got to her greater/deeper issues. So I'm still hoping she goes back, finds a C, and continues on. She expressed frustration too. Her comment was, "and we never even got to my bigger mental health issues... I know i need help. Just the emotional and mental abuse I had as a kid from my dad means I need help, but she was all about the divorce. She said once I do stuff to work on the divorce we can discuss the other issues."

So frustrated... Though my W did say that the EAP session felt like "mental health urgent care" which is exactly what it is. Short-term and issue focused, versus holistic and global.

I guess the only positive is that the C told her that we shouldn't tell the kids more than a month before hand. My W has been pressing the last week to tell the kids in January after the holidays. I couldn't grasp why we would do that? Why we would want our S to deal with that sorrow and grief for months on end, and it would really screwup my relationship and interaction with SS and SD. So now she's backed off of that... we agreed that telling them in May makes the most sense. End of the school year, all the birthdays are past and no big holidays on the horizon.

So what does this mean for me??? I've been pondering that... It means I have to continue the detachment. I've backslid some and not been progressing... holding some small hope for counseling to have an effect. Guess not. Have to just become a single dad and pour my energies into that. Figure out what I want my life to look like post-D and set those goals.

At least I did get 8.5 hours of sleep last night and S got 10.5 hours... so that's back on track for now.