Very good advice Hope and MF. I checked and didn't see anything, and I will not continue to snoop. It's not going to help in the long run. I need to move forward from here.
Trying to have a nice peaceful morning while the family all sleeps, just called my mother to wish her a happy birthday. I was very upbeat and laughing with her. At the end of the call, she said "I can hear it in your voice, I'm sorry" She knows my sitch and although I was laughing with her, moms just know.
I will not pursue, it is not working and it is not attractive. I had to visualize in my head putting on the breaks. There is plenty of work to be done, and I am willing to do the hard work...starting with me.
I've been with H since I was 19 and I find myself shaking my head and saying "how did I get here, this can't be my life right now". But I have to just let go of that, it is my life and I have a chance to change it for the better.
I own my portion of this and know some of the tough changes I need to make for myself. That is the only person that I can make changes for, and hopefully the changes with positively affect my kids, and hopefully eventually my H as well. But I am trying not to look to far in the future and just work on daily.
