I got a bit of sleep on the couch, and feel much calmer this morning. But I need to hold on to it when he wakes up. My nutritionist taught me to do belly breathing as a form of relaxation and meditation. Will continue to that if anxiety creeps up.
Unfortunately I don't have access to phone records or computer. His phone is paid by his company, and he never uses our home computer. His company got him an ipad but he has been leaving that at work recently, and does everything else on iphone.
I did look over the credit card bill yesterday, as well as the bank records. I don't see anything glaring, other than some cash withdrawals. But that could have been for regular use, gas in the car, etc.
My friend is connecting me with her counselor, who she really likes. I need to get into some counseling alone, as well as scheduling the MC. I need help with dealing with some of the emotions, when we argue he says mean, hurtful, spiteful things. He fights dirty, and I end up apologizing. It's very unhealthy. I need help to deal with this, and it will help as I set my boundaries. Nobody deserves to live this way. I am on eggshells constantly.
Now with a few hours of sleep in me, I am setting my mind to detach and be pleasant but distant. I will not engage in the craziness, and try to enjoy my weekend.
It is not always easy because he flip flops what makes him angry, sometimes me GAL makes him angry and he uses that as his excuse to do more of his party boy ways. I guess I can't be worried about that, and there is nothing I can do about it.
I just need to do nice things for me, be the best mom that I can be, and not worry about the rest for now. Way easier said than done, especially with Thanksgiving this week. It's very hard not to wonder what will happen with that.
Thanks for taking the time to answer, especially with your move. I am trying to read around more this morning, over my coffee, to see if I can get suggestions from similar sitches or people who have been here longer than I.
