I spent all night with XW..........on the phone

[25yearsmlc]

Tad.... WOW. How can you know?


"know" what?? That she's emotionally unbalanced? That this is more than MLC?

I "KNOW" that From her words and her behavior over the last year or so. She has not been consistently anything - but various negative versions of nasty, sad, outraged, paranoid, self centered, regretful, furious, and plain old batchit nuts.

Among the clearest examples of her being BEYOND THE MLC, imo, was when she accused him of having an affair OR the desire for one, with a girl he knew in 6th grade and with whom he'd had NO contact....
AND
the yo yo effect is the worst I've seen. Hot and cold (well, more like slightly lukewarm and then FREEZING)

The second she shows the slightest movement NOT towards reconciling BUT just towards a more adult R with Tad,

then he openly jumps thru hoops that shows his hope (although YOU are better now than before Tad. I don't want to say you have not grown at all...far from it.)

But dang you still get so sucked in at her littlest "EFFORT" (using that word with wild abandon)

and THEN she slaps him down. It sure appears cruel. And It sure hurts him. And it sure keeps happening.

Does it really matter WHY she does it, if it keeps happening? At this point, I'd say NO it does not matter why

b/c it won't change the FACT THAT SHE DIVORCED HIM....

So what HE can DO about it now? Detach. The most repeated word on this thread- and sadly, the most ignored.

Even if he were to hold out hope for a reconciliation in the future, it could not happen now or soon b/c neither of them are healthy enough to interact well together. So again the "course of action" is DETACHMENT.

They push each other's buttons and his ex wife has A LOT of buttons...and

I hate to beat a dead horse, but once again, SHE DIVORCED HIM.. isn't it time to stop thinking about what's in HER head or heart and start

controlling what's in Tad's?
.

I really have no idea what to make of her behavior..... I would think the Vet's here would say Classic MLc...

Not THIS vet...

yet quite frankly it seems like plain insanity to me!


While It's true that her age (peri-menopausal) and the early behavior/confusion fit that MLC stereotype.

But she's gone beyond that in both the types of behaviors (the paranoid behavior was always odd. & The level of her controlling behavior especially NOW after over a year AND POST DIVORCE is just too nutty. And SHE left her home and kids...that's NOT a typical WAW OR MLC...)

Also her emotions- especially her ANGER at this stage, is very extreme... She doesn't just get irritated or irked or annoyed. She gets FURIOUS!

You'd think she'd exhaust herself by now, but nope...she ramps it up again AND SHE GETS ENRAGED and weirdly, it's STILL ALL HIS FAULT...

So I See in her,

zero to little insight to her part in this, even a year out of this AND

even post divorce when she no longer has to feel defensive b/c the "war is over", right? Didn't she "win"??

and no healthy reflections on her end and

STILL with the crazy anger and

STILL with the wacky control issues and NO irony or hypocrisy noted...

telling him NOT to date or bring OWs to HER HOME...or to replace her?


SHe had OM! So, Excuse me? Who is she to say a THING to him about any of that?

her behavior is simply beyond galling--it's out of the bell curve of normal to neurotic behavior and into the neurotic to psycho end of the spectrum, at least as it relates to her family r's.

IF this stuff she says and does is really all out of character then she has snapped...and Tad cannot fix her.

She's a bomb with a big blast zone and people need to stay out her range...

but Tad, you dance to her tune. She keeps this up, even now, after divorcing you and putting the boys thru hell too...

and still swoops in and creates havoc and AND

you still let her. Tad, you are part of the problem.

Thankfully, YOU control YOU,

so when you decide to DO somethiing different so your life can change

you can create a happy life for yourself.

Evidently, you are more comfortable with the hell you know than the unknown world of love and rational behavior and honesty, in the life you could create for yourself.

IF you'd just let go, and detach...


It sounds like she contradicts everything she says or does.

When you get firm with her and call her on her behaviors, how does she respond?

never happened so who knows?

But I say it doesn't matter now. Tad, move on and detach.

IF she ever wants to reconcile, She certainly knows how to get you and she knows where you live.

For the forseeable future She has a ton of personal work to do, which she has not yet begun, and her presence in your life

only hinders your work on YOU...and hurts the boys more.

So let her go. For ALL concerned.