My question JB is who gave our WaS a driving license? They are intoxicated in my books. Don't let anger dictate your days you are way above it. Hope you have a great weekend with the little man.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
You were right, JB. She's the one who created this new hassle -- she just doesn't want to have to shoulder the inconvenience of it. I've noticed a trend of WAS' wanting to have their new lives with zero headaches, so they start making selfish claims to the LBS. Sadly for them, it doesn't work that way!
Great job in not being taken for a ride and remaining calm despite the anger. She may not admit it, but somewhere deep down, she probably knows she's in the wrong.
Just know I got your back on this one...as I'm sure many on this board do, JB.
In all honesty, you are incredibly flexible and accommodating to your wife's schedule. I understand, as you do, that things can change with her work schedule, but when those things happen, she needs to learn how to work around it in the new life she has chosen.
Hope you have a great weekend with the little man.
Thanks, Rick. Technically, it's her weekend, but she has to work every Saturday of her weekend with her latest job. She wanted me to come to her apartment and pick up my S in the morning. So technically speaking, I am babysitting. However, I really don't mind that because I get bonus time with my S. I will also pick him up on Sunday morning from her apartment to take him to church. That's fair enough - I volunteered to do that anytime he wants to go. So he'll just stay with me after church. More bonus time.
You were right, JB. She's the one who created this new hassle -- she just doesn't want to have to shoulder the inconvenience of it. I've noticed a trend of WAS' wanting to have their new lives with zero headaches, so they start making selfish claims to the LBS. Sadly for them, it doesn't work that way!
Thanks WCF. You're completely right. She has knack for making me feel like a selfish, unhelpful jerk. She's right - I would say she's doing the driving about 90% of the time. However, it's my house where my S catches the bus and it's my house where the bus drops him off after school. I think her inconvenience is really wearing on her and she wants me to bail her out of her responsiblity like I've done in the past.
Originally Posted By: westcoastfella
Great job in not being taken for a ride and remaining calm despite the anger. She may not admit it, but somewhere deep down, she probably knows she's in the wrong.
Thanks. Sometimes my delayed anger works to my advantage. I'm sure you're right.
Just know I got your back on this one...as I'm sure many on this board do, JB.
Don't mess with Texas! Right?
Originally Posted By: lc4
In all honesty, you are incredibly flexible and accommodating to your wife's schedule. I understand, as you do, that things can change with her work schedule, but when those things happen, she needs to learn how to work around it in the new life she has chosen.
You're right, lc4. Thanks for reminding me of that. I have been very flexible and accommodating. As a matter of fact, it was her night last night, she had to be at work early, and I got my S on the bus this morning. I told her when she looked at her apartment that it was kind of far, too.
I am just trying to walk that tightrope between keeping the road home paved and smooth and allowing her to miss me. Adding to her ammunition to walk away versus showing her unconditional love.
I am just trying to walk that tightrope between keeping the road home paved and smooth and allowing her to miss me. Adding to her ammunition to walk away versus showing her unconditional love.
Yeah - the unconditional love is a hard one. I think when people think of it - they always think of the expression "turn the other cheek".. but in actuality love has many sides.
Like when Jesus came in and flipped the tables and called out the pharisees.
or the fact that God Loves us soo much.. he's willing to let us go to hell. He loves us enough to give us free will and make our own choices.
I think that's when it gets really hard.. is when you know loving someone.. means not great things for you or for them.
Originally Posted By: jbnati
This stuff ain't easy.
Amen to that!
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
Thanks Val. I guess one thing I'm also keeping in mind is I am not trying to be punitive, spiteful, vindictive, or even selfish by my actions. With love having so many flavors, it makes thinking this through a little tricky. I don't think unconditional love means being a doormat, though. Heck, I didn't even feel like I was issuing punishment. I was just not doing her a favor.
I do think this is the trickiest part of DBing, that is figuring out the line between being a doormat and not pushing the WAS further away. I still think in this situation in particular, it's a great way to show her the reality of a D. Then again, we're talking about the same person who thought it was no big deal to ask you to move to another town...
I dunno, JB, when I think about her recent actions, do you think its maybe time to change your strategy a little? What does your DB coach say?
JB said: I am just trying to walk that tightrope between keeping the road home paved and smooth and allowing her to miss me. Adding to her ammunition to walk away versus showing her unconditional love.
yes, this is SO hard=== ROMB concurs (as i'm sure MWD would as well...lol) When they make their proverbial beds, all we can do is what YOU always do so eloquently..... show kindness-- act, not react, and take care of the collateral damage (in our cases, S) You show so much courage, tolerance, and kindness on a daily basis. If the road home for your W isn't paved smooth, nobody's is. Keep up the good work. You are balancing the tightrope well.
Hugs and even prayers
Me (f): 45 W(f) 35 T: 13 y C: S4 adopted at birth 6-18-11 bomb: I want to break up 8-28-11 OW confirmed
I will also pick him up on Sunday morning from her apartment to take him to church. That's fair enough - I volunteered to do that anytime he wants to go. So he'll just stay with me after church. More bonus time. 
