A fork in the road - EA admitted by wife

[workinghardguy]

Peter... remember the "ending" is really just a chapter ending in the bigger book. You can choose to make it the last chapter or not, but a divorce is not the finale she thinks it is. It's only over when you decide you're done. When you decide, for you, that it is over.

I see your interaction as her pulling back even harder because she sees the mediator rescheduling as a strategy for extending things. This means you aren't willing to let go and let her be. I'm not saying you have to, but in all fairness you can't not expect some type of reaction on her part.

Why did you ask if she's going to work? I mean I understand the natural curiosity or just the oddness of it. If my W was scheduled for a shift and didn't go I'd want to ask too, but I don't think I would. At this point I'd just ignore... because frankly I don't really care. Go out, go to work, whatever... it's your life. My W is at a brew pub tonight listening to her new BFF's husband play music. It's very unusual for her to go out on a night when she has to work the next morning and get up at 5am. But when she said she was going out I just said "ok". I didn't take it up or point anything out.

And remember she feels justified in her A because of things you did to drive her away. I'm not saying this is true or correct, but it's her perception of reality.

FWIW, my W hates weekends too when she's not working; it's part of what's increased her drinking I think since she goes out with party friends in order to not be home and really what else is there to do in the bar.

We've been honest though and openly discussed it during R talks, though it's been me broaching that topic - I just can't ignore the 800 lb gorilla sitting in the room with us. I know she feels trapped and awkward and I feel extra pain and sense of loss. So I give her extra room on the weekends. I make a point to have extra GAL and be away from her. I work outside or in another room. If the kids are here it's better because it seems my W is fine when we're all interacting as one family... it's just when it's her and I or her, S, and I that things get weird. It's one of the reasons I've been trying to get our piano tuned... so that I can go in the back room, shut the door, and practice for a time. It gives me something to do away from her that I enjoy without leaving the house.