Trusting, I agree w/Peace, there is a very thin line between denial and reality....he's inching closer to reality more now than this time last year.
I hope everything goes well at the conference. Hopefully he will behave himself and act like an adult during the meeting.
Take care of yourself.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Well we had the school conference with my daughter. Ex showed up 5 minutes late. It looked like he had been tanning because he was very dark. He came in a suit and tie. After the conference we walked out in the hallway and I gave him the receipts for the glasses. He was very cordial and I tried my best talking calmly and thanked him for reinbursing me for the expense. We talked for about an hour about kid stuff in the hallway and then I started walking outside to my car. He walked with me to the car and noticed that I had a boat hitch on my vehicle. He asked why I had that and I told him that the car came with it when I bought it. He told me he would be happy to take it off for me and got on the ground in his suit and tie and tried to take off the boat hitch in the middle of the school parking lot. I told him that it would not come off on its own and I have to go to a dealer to get it off. He insisted on doing it and was not successfull. He wanted so badly to do something for me...... Anyway, we talked for another hour and by then my daughter was tired of listening to our chit chat so I ended the conversation. He is close to the old H, but with alittle edge. I could tell in parts of the conversation he was trying to bait me. He brought up OW once and really focused on how I reacted. I just blew it off like it was no big deal. It was very interesting and I really don't know what to make of the whole thing....
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
I tried to keep the topic of the conversation strictly about the kids to make him feel more at ease. I forgot to mention that he did have a moment when he made a reference that I am messed up. I just told him that I did not believe that was the case and moved on. I don't know if he was projecting or what, but that was a little odd. One thing I did notice is how much he has aged. He looks so much like his father now and he seems to be losing a lot of muscle.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Trusting, What an interesting time you had today. Sounds to me like he knows that he's messed up and was projecting his thoughts about himself on to you. Baiting is part of the package. They do tend to bait lbs to see if they have changed or if they are still holding the anger and resentment towards them. I'm glad you didn't take the bait.
I find the effort of attempting to get the hitch off your vehicle quite interesting. He really is trying to do something "nice" for you. I think he's feeling a bit guilty for what he's done and is trying to regain a little bit of ground w/you.
Trusting, take each day as it comes and accept him for who he is today. Sounds like life has caught up w/him and he's turning into his father. I wonder if he's still exercising or just sitting around since he's loosing a lot of muscle....listen to what he says and if you can, sift through the garbage and will get an idea of where his head is at during the conversation.
I'm glad today is over for you. You handled the situation extremely well.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Trusting, That sounds as if it was at least a decent exchange. Good for you for standing up for yourself when he said what he did.
As far as trying to do something for you, it seems kind of pathetic at this stage, doesn't it? And you wonder what OW would say.
I wish I could say that I see my X trying to do things for me, but that doesn't seem to be the case. I guess I would say that he is less resentful but shows no sense of what it has taken for me to be a single parent. He is still fairly in a hurry in that MLC way and I think the fact that he has a new woman now has really made him pretty indifferent to me--which is probably best for me.
I'm glad, though, that OW is gone. Just wish that I would see the last few pics of her in his apartment disappear, in the hope that D will forget her.
M: 16 years Bomb 4/07 OW 20s long gone Divorced 11/09 I remarried New Guy Cooperative r w/X regarding D
My ex's OW is still in the picture. I don't know what their relationship is like though. I can't imagine you can build something solid out of chaos and destruction. Anyway, ex left this morning on a cruise for 10 days..... so he continues to run. I hope he thinks about me the whole time, lol.....
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
I hope he thinks about me the whole time, lol.....
You are divorced nearly 4 years TRUSTING. Why?
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
We had a 20 year marriage and 3 children, that is why.....
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
My daughter had a fall concert today. Now ex and I have become friendly. We talk and he texts me often. Ex and OW were at the concert. We sat close to each other and I opened up friendly conversation with ex regarding family members. I could tell that OW felt very insecure and uncomfortable in this situation. In the middle of our chatting and at the end of the concert when all the parents were getting cookies, ex plants a kiss on OW. I have to say I remained very calm and cool and did not react at all. It was just odd and seemed very out of place. So after that kiss ex then says to me, "do you mind if I take our 6 year old for a hair cut because we are doing family pictures." I told him "no problem just make sure you don't cut it too short." Deep down you all know I am hurting so bad with his comments. Was he baiting me? Trying to get a reaction? or is this just MLC stuff.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Your xh sounds like a very insensitive man to me. I would back off - not to be unfriendly, but to detach from this unkind and thoughtless behaviour. He seems to have little emotional intelligence
If it MLC behaviour? Who knows. Some posters may feel that your h is being normal after this length of time, and being married to OW, but it still feels deeply insensitive to me.
If you are unable to discuss it with him, then I really would back right off, and not expose yourself to further hurt, as you still appear to care deeply for this man. [As I do for my awful xh] I am not sure why we go on caring for these people - they have trashed us in every way, but we do.
As I recover my self esteem I do see my xh much more clearly as emotionally inadequate - not always, but certainly now, and for the past 6 years. I am glad not to have to be around his weirdness, and communicate occasionally by email. I thought he was moving through the tunnel, but now feel he is stuck, and will remain there. Hard to face up to . . . but I feel better about myself.
