Have you discussed with a lawyer whether you can leverage her affair to eliminate alimony. I get that you are in a no fault state but in some officially no-fault states you can still bring evidence of an affair in the filing and by either law or judge's discretion reduce or avoid alimony. Another tactic is to use threat of exposure of the affair to try to get better terms. You seem to think her dad is guiding and helping her - do you think he will be so willing to help if he knew the real reason for her desire to divorce?
I just hate for you to take such a hands-off attitude that you put yourself in a hole. 50% of your salary to a cheating wife is not good terms in any state. I can 100% guarantee that if you give her primary custody this will be your greatest regret in life.
If she is in a huge hurry so she can live her magical life with OM and may even have a sliver of guilt for your situation - this is called the Mr. Wonderfaul Effect and she is never going to be more pliable than right now while her focus is elsewhere. I would very much suggest seeing a few more lawyers because most of them will say just bend over then pay me, but there are a few out there who will actually fight for you. And please check out the forums at [Edited by dbmod: link not allowed] for NY specific advice and try to put yourself in a better legal position.
[Edited by dbmod to add note: exposing the affair may end of your marriage. See Michele's post on the Infidelity Forum]
