The reason I meantion new rel. being helpful is that I feel like I have a lot of self-confidence in my work/brain/abilities, and when I focus on those things, I very much feel "over" the loss of XH and like I've moved on and accepted I am better off without him. HOWEVER, the worth as a woman "sexually" was only ever validated by XH, and so I feel like until a man who I find acceptable gives me that type of validation, I will always revert in my mind to "needing" XH to approve me in that way. And a few friends have also said that if I just had a successful date where someone expressed desire for me, whether I acted on it or rejected it, that that would be the one thing to get me "over" XH and accepting that there were other fish in the sea.
It's like I believe I can do most anything I set my mind to, but if you ask me "Antonia can you attract another man now that XH is gone, a man you yourself would find interesting and smart and attractive", my answer would be a resounding "No, I cannot."
Does that make sense?
This makes perfect sense to me, yes, but that doesn't make it OK! What I think you are saying, decoding it unkindly, if you like, is that other people can validate you externally [work etc], and you can also validate yourself there too - I am not saying it is all about others - you have a voice here, clearly. But sexually, it is hard to feel attractive if the person we loved and desired the most has changed their mind.
If meeting someone else it what it takes, OK, but it means you will still be dependent on someone else's approval. We really need to be able to self validate here too.
