Feel like I'm living the movie Groundhog Day...

[2thepoint]

Well first of all, I'd be pretty down too if I was journaling at 3am in the morning. So, don't beat yourself up because you are tired. Ok?

"Starting to realize how my criticism of my W's family has really taken a toll over the years. They are a unique bunch, don't get me wrong and some of them are a hard group to like. I can recall though all the gatherings where, as we would head home, I would wait until my W said something critical of them and then I'd join in and pile on. I think my W thinks that I hate them... or perhaps she's constructed that in her head as part of her justification for leaving our M. And I've known it's an issue... she's brought it up in at least two R talks."

I think this is a very big awakening on your part and a great opportunity to do a 180 with lasting impact! Think about it. If your W has been justifying her decisions about your M based in part on what she perceives as your beliefs about her family, you now have the chance to show her in a meaningful way that you can be and are a loving man who is open to change in whatever form it may take.

"So... I've vowed to go and enjoy myself and them. But it is part of me just trying to be less judgmental, more understanding, and more open-minded. So this isn't about my M, it's about my work on being a nicer person. My W won't be there to see it anyway so it really isn't about the M."

Fantastic! Again, this is a huge awakening for you! I would just be as pleasant and as accepting as you can be and know that how you act during this time with her family will somehow get back to your W. So, make sure what gets back is nothing but peace and happiness. It will make an impact. And at some time in the future, you can reassure your W by your actions now and confirmation verbally that you don't hate her family and that you regret piling on.

Also, as it pertains to the in-laws, it is important that your S feels by your actions that he can be loving and accepting towards everyone in the family regardless of their faults or difficult nature. As I'm sure you know, kids are very perceptive and pick up on all of our signals. So show him the loving side of your nature towards others and that will pay huge dividends in the future for both of you!

I'm sorry your mother is experiencing medical problems. I hope she gets the medical attention she needs and that her ailments are treatable. But, it is important for you to remember that you can't allow your mothers illness to affect your positive mental attitude. Be there for her. Support her as much as possible. But, don't carry the burden of her illness on your shoulders which are already weighed down by your M problems. You've got to maintain a positive mental attitude at all times. It will carry you further than if you do the opposite.

Does that make sense?