wife won't admit PA with OM

[Harrier]

So where is this disrespect idea going to lead you?

It's going to lead only to anger and resentment that's where. You can hang on to this idea that she "disrespected" you and the marriage and you can hang onto that idea alone. Because that's where it leads.

Guess what? I'm pretty darn sure that you W (all of our Ws) thought we were disrespectful to the marriage with our own actions. Thought we disrespected them with how we treated them.

Jake, you made an agreement with your wife to move on. If you can't honor that...and from your posts you are struggling with it, then you should tell her now.

Like you'd expect her to tell you.

GB, many times people here will tell you that the offending SO doesn't feel remorse. They never apologize for their EA or PA. What then?

It boils down to this Jake, the cliches are true. Trust is not a light switch, you can't turn in on and off. Both you are are only looking to build trust. You have to want to trust the other person, it starts with small things then builds. Both of you can do things to help build trust with the other. But you have to be open to that possibility.

dwelling on if he have an PA or an EA, will just erode that trust. checking her phone, etc. erode that trust. her keeping things from you erodes that trust (I'd suggest you talk to the MC about rebuilding trust)

It's going to be rough and not easy, but if it were everyone would do it.

In my situations, I have questions about what happened. I am willing to put those aside for now to possibly build something. There may be a day when we are strong enough to talk about those questions, but that day isn't today or that day may never come.

Because in the end, what happened cannot change where you are now and where you want to be. only YOU can change that.