Really Needing Advice ....Encouragement

[AntoniaB]

I agree with seeking, I think it sounds like you're staying in a relationship that frustrates you and perhaps only causes moments of happiness or bits and pieces of security because you see the alternative is being alone and you don't want to be alone. This is probably why you got involved when you did.

I don't LIKE being alone ALL the time but there are times that are really good, and that I really enjoy it, but back when I was first estranged from XH it was horrific. I couldn't conceive of going a week alone, let along far over a year.

I think this is something you have to learn to do or else you'll just keep "running", meaning that if this rel. ends, you'll just find someone else to be with to keep you from facing the alone time.

When you say things like "I am not one to be happy alone" you have already decided for yourself that it is impossible for you to be happy unless you have a man in your life. As long as that's your feeling, you're right, you won't be happy. I'm not saying that having a man in your life is a bad thing at all, but you have one and you're still not really happy because he's not the type you want, yet I suspect if you had what you wanted, someone who was more close to you/more needy, you'd be very codependent with him, which isn't good.

I think you should take the time that you have apart from him to work on trying to find ways to get to that level of peace or security or even happiness/joy by yourself. Just a thought :-)