gb90 and 25yearsmlc both make good points. I do have to agree with gb90 and not so much with 25 (sorry, darlin'...) about the issue of respect. I will never be convinced that a spouse who makes a conscious decision to engage in either an EA or a PA has any respect for his or her spouse; or at least, a level of respect that means anything. An EA or a PA is the ultimate insult to the marriage and to the vows and promises that support it.
Jake, 12 years ago I was an OM and a WAH. That is how my STBXW and I ended up together; we cheated on our spouses. I am not proud of that and I have suffered because of it, but I also know the mind of a WAH /WAS. And I can tell you I had no regard or respect for my first wife at that point. I was dishonest, sneaky, manipulative and completely self-centered. All I cared about was fulfilling my desires, and to hell with anyone else. I did treat her like dirt; not in an in-your-face abusive way, but in a subversive contemptible way. I carried that baggage with me for years.
The issue of confront / don't confront is always a difficult one to address, and it comes down to your level of tolerance. If the evidence you have is murky or unclear, then the best course might be to hold back and see if your W's behavior changes. If you discover hard evidence of an EA/PA then you have to decide where your line in the sand is. But I stand by the premise that women do not love men they do not respect, and they do not respect men who will not stand up for themselves.
"Trust, but verify."
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
