I think you hit the nail on the head when you said that you never truly healed from your divorce. 8 months certainly didn't give you enough time to recover from a M that lasted 20 years.
Have you truly looked at the issues that makes you have to have someone so much so that you'll put up with a man that doesn't sound like he's really that into you?
To me, you sound very needy. I would believe to a man like your BF that it would drive him further away. Have you tried just going dark with him? Letting him do the contacting? What about GALing? What do you do for yourself as far as filling your time?
TBH I would agree you are stuck and just spinning your wheels. Why do you not feel you deserve more from a R than what you're getting from this man?
Have you always been an avoider? Sounds like you use bandaids to cover what you really don't want to look at and deal with. You won't ever be truly happy with someone else until you do the work and can be happy with yourself.
Hang in there. The good news is is that it is never too late to start taking care of you for you.
