Feel like I'm living the movie Groundhog Day...

[workinghardguy]

Journaling... nothing remarkable yesterday. Finally got the piano tuned so I'm going to start playing/practicing again. S remains sick as can be evidenced by being up at 3am right now. Now the medicine for his cough is screwing up his stomach. Good times.

Starting to realize how my criticism of my W's family has really taken a toll over the years. They are a unique bunch, don't get me wrong and some of them are a hard group to like. I can recall though all the gatherings where, as we would head home, I would wait until my W said something critical of them and then I'd join in and pile on. I think my W thinks that I hate them... or perhaps she's constructed that in her head as part of her justification for leaving our M. And I've known it's an issue... she's brought it up in at least two R talks. Though she'll preface it by saying she knows she's complained too. Though I think I should've just listened and validated in the past versus using it as a chance to air my own grievances.

I'm taking our S to her mom's for Thanksgiving. It does have her completely confused. She can't figure out why, since I "hate" them so much, I would voluntarily put myself in that position. But that's the thing... I don't hate them, I really hate a precious few people in the world, if anyone. Yes, I don't care for some of them and lack much to talk about with them since we live in two completely different worlds, but I don't hate them. So... I've vowed to go and enjoy myself and them. But it is part of me just trying to be less judgmental, more understanding, and more open-minded. So this isn't about my M, it's about my work on being a nicer person. My W won't be there to see it anyway so it really isn't about the M.

I guess the only other thing from yesterday is that my mom told me last night that she might be having some heart problems. She's 63 and has some medical issues. My dad passed away when I was 19 and all my grandparents are gone, so she's all I have left really for close family. I'm hoping whatever her doc thinks is wrong can be managed. I can't imagine losing her... especially in the middle of all this crap. And I really can't imagine my son going through divorce and losing the one grandma that he adores all in the same year. It's not like the doc said it's anything grave... it's just with all this going on my capacity to deal with something like this is so low right now. It just debilitates me even thinking about it.

With another night of sick kid means another day of not getting my run in... it's going to be a long weekend... Pretty down today.