OK - what i meant about death is that we need to find mechanisms for coping with the loss. And death is an analogous loss.
The reason we think betrayal is worse than death is that we haven't yet forgiven the betrayer [and it is a big forgive, I know]. Until you can forgive your h, you really aren't ready imo for a relationship. How will you know you aren't paying your h back.
And on the wonderful wife angle, one of the reasons they leave [so a therapist friend told me] is that they don't measure up, and feel inadequate. Hence the needy affair down. That and a lot of other stuff.
I also lost my mother during all of this, but losing a parent, while painful, is in the natural order of things. Betrayal, and death of spouse at a relatively young age isn't, nor is losing a child. This is all painful stuff, that runs against what we feel life 'ought' to be like.
A new relationship won't put things right - rational;y you know this, emotionally your words tell me you think it will.
Nothing can put it right, in the sense we want, which is for it not to have happened. But it has and we have to recover. The ones that come back have their set of problems and the ones that don't, another, but all of us have to find ways to forgive this tremendous hurt and move on.
