You've got a lot going on Nblost, I feel for you, I can't imagine how intensely painful this has been. Wish I could help more but you seem to be in great hands. Sometimes it can feel better to dispense some words of wisdom. You reference SSM issues historically, if you've got some time and want to chime in I'd love your advice here:

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2197555&page=1

Accuray

Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced
M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11
Start Reconcile: 8/15/11
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced)
In a New Relationship: 3/2015