Thank you all for the awesome advice. My W confronted me about the snooping last night before anyone had replied. I told the truth about the snooping and what I had seen. At first she claimed she didn't remember the conversation. Then as I started detailing some of it she said that I misinterpreted the tail-end of the conversation... that it was all an inside joke making fun of her friend. It is true that the whole A started off as my W's friend being interested in the OM's friend. My W's friend is desperately lonely and very man-crazy, so that's possibly true but sounds unlikely.
We both agreed that neither one of us trusts each other to either not snoop or not talk to the OM. She stuck by her story that she hasn't talked to him since we started going to the MC and I sorta believe it based on how she's been acting and how this conversation that I saw was going. She claims that she got the prepaid phone weeks ago because she knew that I had been snooping on hers. I don't know why she had it turned on yesterday and I didn't think to ask.
I made it perfectly clear that no contact means no contact with the OM. She agreed and said she will get rid of the phone and thats the end of it.
She claims that the whole thing is totally ridiculous because the OM is homosexual. To me that sounds like the perfect lie because it would transform the whole PA thing into some kind of EA.... which is not OK but is at least a little better. It's possible that the OM is homosexual since she said that is what caused him to be kicked out of the military a few years ago and she said during the initial confrontation we had over 6 weeks ago, "you don't even know if he's straight." I don't really buy it but thats the story she's going with now.
The next day, today, my W was at the Dr's office and we texted a little bit. She said that she was really happy with some of the changes we had been working on with the MC, enjoyed getting along with me, and spending time with me. She said that we were both wrong but she feels like I'm doing these things so that she leaves. She wants to forget it all and be able to trust me and work on the things we have been. And she said that she wants to start today and be 100% honest with each other. She said that if the OM texts her she will ignore it and tell me about it. I told her there are inconsistencies with her story and the info I have from snooping and she said we can talk about that. How do I approach that?
