That is what 180, GAL, and detach are all about. First, you PROVE that they are wrong about that. You can't tell her. You have trained her exactly how you are going to react in any given situation over the course of years.
When you don't act the way she's been conditioned to expect, and you *consistently* demonstrate different more positive responses, she's going to wonder what's going on -- that's not the person she things she knows.
That's how you crack the door back open.
Right now, she's not even willing to look or notice, so it takes time and patience. When things get this bad, it's always a marathon and not a sprint.
Initially we try to perform for our spouse -- "look at me! look how different I am!" They see through that. It doesn't become *real* until they are not part of the equation, until they're no longer a necessary audience for the performance. It's when you act differently whether they are there or not that you've got it.
At that point, you'll be happier with yourself so getting them back will be less important, and that ironically makes it easier to win them back!
I hear you on the pain, the pain is God-awful! Exercise! That helps.
Accuray
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
