ive read that post several times over the last 2 days and just now..this morning..got it... He IS doing and treating me better, just not how I WANT him to treat me, but it is better...I want him here with us...and I know I have to be ready for that not to happen now. odds are he wont ever be able to come back.. I am thankfull that he is sober and healthier then he was 20 months ago, and I pray for him every day. am feeling really sad and beaten this morning
it's okay to have mixed feelings. But do you see the contradictions here?
Your h is finally sober, we think. And yet you feel beaten. And sad...
As unfair as it may seem, I don't know about that, but I know it's not productive.
Why not Try to focus on the miraculous blessing God sent your h via sobriety, so your son can see a sober father? That has real value. And eventually your h will be easier to deal with than he would be as a drunk ex h.
For a minute, let us assume that you don't reconcile but he stays sober.
Okay, what then? Well, Then In time, your son will have a r with his father based on sobriety, which is GREAT. He will see a man redeemed (at least partly). Thank GOD!! And he won't see a man who died and killed others in a DWI accident either...there are horrible negative scenarios that won't happen and for which gratitude is appropriate too.
So, What will your son see in you? How about some redemption & forgiveness for you?
Forgiveness for your h AND for yourself. We are all flawed humans...even you and even your h.
Letting go is KEY to any forgiveness. That means letting go of the angry self righteous "how dare he!!" attitude (Which you are already showing much less of)
and is a way for YOU to give your son a legacy---
of redemption, forgiveness, and CHANGE in life...what wonderful lessons for him!
Have you picked up the "Co-Dependent No More" book yet? Val says it helped her a lot, so it's got to be a good one...
Hang in there...it ain't over yet! He's still in the fog. And in a way, so are you.
Take a breath.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
