What do I do next? Part 2

[workinghardguy]

Then you have to ask yourself why it still hurts? Don't get me wrong... I understand that it hurts and I'm not saying it shouldn't, but if you don't want it to hurt, or at least not hurt as much, then you have to identify why?

Is it fear? Fear of being alone? Fear of rejection? Those you can deal with and work with. You can increase your socialization and see that you don't have to be, nor will you be, alone. Fear of rejection you can deal with by developing a more positive view of you.

Is it a sense of loss? If so then start grieving and let yourself do that.

What I hear right now is anger. Again, I'm not saying that anger is wrong or unwarranted. There are moments in most days when I am so furious with my WAW. But they pass. Those feelings are usually replaced by compassion and sorrow, but for her not me. For how confused and screwed up she must feel. For knowing that she is not picking a good or healthy path.

I used to also feel fear. Fear that she would choose a bad path and be hurt by it. But I'm largely past that. I've let go of that piece... if she chooses a bad path, well, she chooses a bad path.

And as you get past certain feelings understand they will return. I may view my W with compassion now, but I fully believe that when it comes time to tell our kids and break their hearts, that the anger will return with even more force than before.