A fork in the road - EA admitted by wife

[NYCPeter]

Thanks for the advice -

I'm not ready, but my W is.
She knows I am at home on Fri - so it's not like I can pretend I have something else to do.

Anything I say will be perceived as delaying the process and is likely to upset her - she may then go the litigation route (which quite frankly I would like to avoid).

The $$ figures are high enough to hurt (50% salary for CS and alimony), but not so bad that it would cripple me. She's giving standard overnights etc. Which makes sense and I wouldn't fight for as I don't have family to help me here.

[Valeska19]

Forgive me.. I can't remember but have you seen a lawyer yet? If so is what she is proposing matching what the L said?

[NYCPeter]

I have - and it's pretty close to what my L said.

My L said that Spousal support is up to the judge - could be anything from $800 to $2000 and from 3 years to lifetime (due to length of M and child with CP).

W is proposing $1k for 6 years - though she has in parenthesis (need to confirm with mediator if this is a fair amount / time).

[In_Shock]

I'm so sorry you are in this position. Just wanted to offer my support.

[NYCPeter]

Quick journal,

Went to the support group last night - a couple of interesting folks there I had a good chat with, primarily consisted of guys complaining how they were hard-done by the system. I'll go again - but was more interested in ideas around co-parenting and how to achieve it without conflict.

When I got back - W asked me where I went, I told her was meeting some friends and left it at that.

My sister sent me an email - mentioned she may fly over for New Year's with me - I was like great (W works on New Year's I usually look after the girls) - I'd have company. W's response, hotel rooms would be so expensive in the city - can she afford it. This comment I had to walk away from - she followed me and said "what's wrong" - I said no she can't afford it, she can barely afford the flight that's why she'll be staying here. My W backtracked and said "I just thought she may want to enjoy being in the city" - I said she may, but she may also want to be here with her neices.

She then asked me about the email she had sent me re: mediator, I said that I had seen it. She asked about the list of items - I said the list seemed to cover most bases and I am sure the mediator will guide us through anything missing. She said the only thing she was unsure of was alimony - she feels she is entitled to more (to be honest I think she would get more), again - I said I was sure the mediator would guide us through this.

At this stage she is very much set on moving forward - nothing I can do about her - just me. My biggest concern right now is preparing myself mentally and financially for the D and implications - mentally being away from my girls, financially if I end up paying a larger amount of alimony - how will I afford a nice place for me (and the girls to stay over).

[NYCPeter]

Well W is not going to be happy -

I just texted her saying I needed to attend a couple of meetings Friday (which is true) - and to re-schedule the mediator for another Friday (I usually work from home on Friday's).

She is pretty keen to get moving quickly on this.

Quick Journal
My W spent last night on the computer looking for full-time work - she came to my office afterwards and complained she couldn't find anything. I empathized and told her that it's only a matter of time before she finds suitable and to keep working at it.

I remained detached and pleasant - it's amazing how easy it is to detach when you realize you have no control over her actions (why did it take me so long!!!)

[NYCPeter]

Played soccer last night (we've won our last 3 games) - and a couple of adult beverages afterwards.

W took the news I couldn't go to the mediator very well.
Her texted response was - how does Dec 2 work for you. Not sure I can keep pushing this off, so Dec 2 it will be.

In the meantime - keep detaching, keep DBing.

She's told me she is working all weekend which should give me plenty of time to focus on the girls.

[2thepoint]

Good Job, Peter! I think that if you haven't already replied to your W regarding the new mediation date, then perhaps you can postpone it a little longer. The more time you have, the better. On the other hand, if you agree to the new date and then change it again, it begins to look like you are slow rolling, if you know what I mean.

[NYCPeter]

I haven't replied re: the new date.
She sent a separate text afterwards re: D6's birthday party and I responded to that.

I'll let her raise the mediator date again, and then give her a couple of dates that would work.

After 12 years, what's an extra couple of weeks.

[2thepoint]

After 12 years, what's an extra couple of weeks.

Now your talkin!! Heck, after 12 years, whats an extra couple of months??