How 2 balance detaching & improving communication?

[2thepoint]

One of the main reasons our m declined and we are seperated is that I wasn't their for her emotionally. Over the past year and a half I have made every effort to change that dynamic and their are times when she has told me she is angry because I'm doing it now but I should of been like this years earlier.

Here is where I think you need to detach a little more. It is important for you to recognize that your W is already D from you in her mind. So, any amount of emotional support you may be providing is too little, too late.

Think about it, if she needed emotional support before the bomb, you can only imagine how much she needs now. The only problem though is she doesn't want/need it from you. So, stop providing it for her and start getting yourself some emotional support.

So I'm still trying to figure out how to detach yet be their and be supportive of her. I want her to know I'm there but don't want to pursue.

Only be supportive in those areas where it is essential, (i.e. matter of life, death, health, emergency, etc,). Otherwise, it is viewed as pursuit.

I am concerned that she is happy and will continue to be so with us just being friends.

Of course she is happy. She is having her cake and eating it too!

Should I try to build on the friendship that we have re-established or keep it vague and do more GAL???

Sayitaintso - I think you know the answer to this question. You have already proven to your W that you ARE CAPABLE of being a better, more supporting husband. Now that she knows you are capable, help her build her desire for that part of you that she knows is there by making yourself scarce and go GAL!!

Stop fooling yourself into thinking that she will miraculously come to her senses anytime soon. You've got to focus on the changes in you in order for her to see that you are worth keeping around.

It's interesting, the other day I was at the house with the family and I don't know what it was but I caught my W looking at me more than once. And it was the way she was looking at me that had me wondering. I think on that particular day, I had had a recent haircut, had just showered after coming back from the gym, was looking more attractive than usual and I actually think she noticed. I don't think she necessarily realized she was looking at me or even why but she WAS looking.

So I say, be there for your W when it is important. But at all other times go GAL. Become a more attractive you (inside and out). And, let time decide how things will play out.

I hope this helps!