Feel like I'm living the movie Groundhog Day...

[workinghardguy]

Thanks ROMB... I have to be honest with everyone here that I had a big backslide this morning. I didn't mean to, but it just happened. I tried to recover as best I could, but it is what it is. I just keep reminding myself that a backslide here and there will not sink the ship (it's doing that just fine all on its own I think!).

In my defense I am pretty damn tired this morning... four hours of sleep two nights in a row is getting to me. I thought I'd processed the photos thing, but as soon as I saw her the emotions flooded back. I fought the urge to ask all morning. We talked about taking S to the clinic so I started getting him ready. In the mean time SS and SD were being pills this morning, especially SS. So that irritated me, the photo thing angered me... finally in the kitchen my W asked me what was wrong. And I told her to forget it, I'll deal with it, I'm fine.

She pushed again on what was wrong. So I told her. Her response was, "Well, you know how I feel". As soon as I said it I knew I shouldn't have gone there so I tried to recover. I told her my feelings didn't mean I don't know what she feels. Simply that there is something that is part of my life that is going away and that I feel grief for it. That I'm human, I'm tired, and it's natural so if she could please just let me have my grief. I'll get through it and by later today I'll be fine. Just leave me alone.

She then tells me, in a softer more caring voice, "Don't worry T... you'll find someone else. Trust me, another woman will be very lucky." I looked at her... I then said that my feelings this morning are not about being alone, or finding or not finding someone else. That I'll be fine, she'll be fine, our kids will be fine. I said, "I'm a big boy B, I don't need you in my life for me to be ok, so this isn't about that. It's just about grieving for something that is lost." She made a joke then about her appearance this morning and how could anyone grieve for losing that. I laughed a little and collected S up and headed to the clinic.

Just got home... S is ok but just miserable with a nasty, croupy cough. But now he has some codeine-laced cough syrup in him so he should be out soon And then I came on here and my W's browser was up. I couldn't resist... I wanted to see what she did after I left. She spent 20 minutes looking at "quotes when you're sorry". So there's that... sorry for creating pain I think.

So if anything here is my lesson for today... DBing is hard... it's harder when I don't exercise... and damn hard when I don't exercise AND don't sleep. Bad combos.