Sometimes the LBS will threaten or actually leave, all of a sudden the WAS comes crashing back to earth after they realize they now have to deal with the mess they have created.
All of a sudden the good old days of family bliss the WAS and the LBS shared become clear. OM can't or refuses to match them, now the WAS has to make a choice, this is when you finally have a chance Jake.
This is good advice, and it *may* unfold like that, but please also realize it's just as likely that an ultimatum on your part will lead to her leaving and not looking back.
She has a safety net right now with OM and has convinced herself that OM is the better choice (at least temporarily) for her happiness.
Therefore, the advice you're getting here is good -- but don't go into it with the assumption that making an ultimatum will lead to her rethinking her decisions. It may well lead to her getting off the fence and going the other way (for now at least).
If you make an ultimatum, you need to be ready, willing and able to enforce the "or else" or the respect referred to above will take an even BIGGER hit. If you lay down the law, you need to enforce it.
Therefore, before you present the ultimatum, you need to be OK with a scenario where she is gone.
Given how badly you're feeling about her infidelity, are you at a place where you can see that might be better for you, or not?
--Accuray
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
