Hi Seeking - FS is the financial settlement where we exchanged financial documents and with each of our lawyers with us organized a mediation conference for Feb next year.
You asked about my H's response to the legal proceedings. Well, if we rewind to over two years ago, he refused to discuss anything with me about settlement but insisted we only work through lawyers because he was done, the marriage was over and he wanted to sell up and move on.
Now? He wants to know if I would consider a 'house share' whereby he would move in and live with the children for alternate weeks! Now? He wants us to work on a plan between us that will cause the least 'damage'.
So, still a craziness but interspersed with some clarity.
Regarding if he found happiness when he left the family, well he definitely thought he had. This is what I call his 'flaunt and taunt' phase. His euphoria and bragging about his new 'life' was when I learnt the most about DBing and patience. It was true detachment, my DB coach and this site that helped me through.
He certainly spoke remorsefully the other day but always within the context of having 'no other choice'. He sincerely regrets the estrangement from his children but admitted he doesn't know how to fix it. I truly believe he wants to and that's terrific.
He also said the problem hadn't been me, but him. And, of course for so long he claimed the opposite.
About the OW, I don't know. He keeps letting me know that he is available 24/7, any day or night. This is when he is trying to arrange the next family dinner. He's also developed the habit of placing his mobile phone on the table when we're at dinner and leaving it there if he goes up to the bar for drinks. That same wretched phone that was attached to him like a second skin and never left him.
So I don't honestly know. All I can say is I will not allow myself to go back down that terrible road of thought agitation and speculation. It is his life. He must live it as he sees fit and i wish him well. I can't believe I've actually managed to drop the rope - I thought it would be impossible for me.
I have spent so much time since separating learning how to live my life authentically and am now beginning to reap and enjoy the rewards of all the effort. So much so that I actually told H I am grateful I've had this opportunity.
There is no doubt that I am a better person because of this - as horrible and hellish as it has been.
Thank you so much for your kind words of encouragement Seeking, it means a lot to me. I'm going to need to keep hearing them as I continue to move forward, still learning, still growing - at times, no doubt, still struggling, but thankfully experiencing great bursts of joy in my life again.
And that joy will remain no matter what the future holds.
