One thing that is odd for my sitch is that my W isn't all about how terrible our M has been. Yes, she will tell me that she has been unhappy for a very long time. Yes, she says the standard lines of:
We should never have gotten married.
I don't know if I've ever loved you
I made a mistake getting married.
We're too different to make this work
and so on... but she will readily admit that we've had good times. That we've had fun, we're good parents, and we work well together.
So it's never been entirely that she's fleeing ME to go to someone else per se. It's that she's fleeing marriage and commitment for... this is where I stumble. I've never really figured out what she's fleeing to. Freedom maybe... the ability to date other men perhaps... finding herself, whatever that means...
I just don't really know which is what has perplexed me. And I don't think she knows entirely either. She has told me that she feels fundamentally flawed inside of herself and doesn't feel she can be anyone's spouse or mate until she resolves that.
Ironically you just described my H here as well, the trying to find herself hit home for me. I find myself shaking my head a lot over that one.
