ITM, are you reading CoDependent No More yet?? Read it please...asap....
I'll give my input... although I'm not quite sure it will be popular. Of course remember this is just my perspective. I'm sure you will do what's best for you.
As I said briefly yesterday, I don't think you should send the letter at all. IF it is so you can set boundaries ONLY, which I'm not completely convinced that it is, You don't need to go into a long winded explanation... you just set them and stick to them. -----
...which is why you need to deal with your anger, why you need to forgive both yourself and your husband -----
In short, my w was being exactly who I wanted her to be. She was kind, she was honest, she was taking responsibility... and I was pissed!
Just Stunned wrote me - Don't let best get in the way of better.
I was pissed because the "getting better" didn't fit into our marriage. It didn't "fit" in my definition of her getting better. In the past 7 months, 95% of my w's actions was the same. When I experienced the 5%... instead of thanking God, I was only remember the 95%.
I now strive to live by JS' saying...
My w will not be best.. not for awhile, maybe not ever.. but I'm going to stop punishing her for her better. I will applaud her 5%. I will force myself to think of all the positives she is doing, remembering that she is growing at her own speed, and quit expecting her to grow at MY speed.
I think your H is doing good things. Is he where he needs to be.. No.. but your "stinkin thinkin" won't help him.. and it won't help you. He was being civil the other night.. well praise God for that.
He came over and fixed your car.. well praise God for that!
See where I'm going?
My mom and friends are cautioning me right now. "Don't go thinking she's changed, don't put your heart out there.. you'll get hurt"
I said "I'm not thinking she's changed.. I'm just thanking God for his work in her".
I guess what I am saying in short... is to praise God when your husband acts in a positive way. Applaud your h for the changes he has made, stop punishing him for them and for the changes he hasn't made (cause that only hurts you).
BEST POST I HAVE READ IN A LONG LONG TIME...WELL DONE VAL..you continue to inspire me, the "veteran" to be my best.
thank you and ITM, read this and think hard. Pray hard and we will too...
Protect yourself, set boundaries, but do not lose sight of being loving. Loving toward you and towards him.
It's a fine balance.. but you'll find it.. if you spend the time looking.
sweet stuff...
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
