Never marrieed, so technically not "divorcebusting", but still trying to keep a relationship together since we have a child.
He says he's tried, but he is keeping a wall up. Not willing to have any cmotional intimacy. Says he isn't physically attracted to me and he can't help the way he feels...he has no feelings for me and feelings come from the inside and there is nothing he nor I can do to make him have "feelings" for me.
He tells me to go find someone else, but when I do, he starts being unkind to me--I can either maintain the status quo or if I choose to date other men, it will cost me as far as our co-parenting relationship goes.
I have tried dating but have tremendous anxiety be3cause it seems like everyone expects to have sex before establishing a committed relationship--I really don't want to expose myself sexually to someone who does not intend to marry me. I sabotage my own efforts by writing a profile to scare people off and when it doesn't stop them, I beg my ex to try to work on our relationship and not force me into another man's bed.
It is really driving me crazy and I'm getting therapy on a weekly basis, but I am in utter turmoil.
I can't get over feeling that I should be with the father of my child. I think it is best for everyone. he thinks I should be respecting his feelings.
There is no other woman and no desire for another woman..He knows that he can't be a good husband because of his commitment phobia, but I'm not asking him to marry me or live with me or even have sex with me. I am just wanting a little quality time, a little affection.
There are so many things that are right, but I can't live without emotional intimacy any more than I can live without plenty of oxygen.
I keep trying to tell myself that if I date, I might find someone I connect with and everything will be okay, but it feels morally wrong.
I have done all I can do. I told him it is like he has built a brick wall between us and I am not asking him to knock it down, just to take a few bricks out and reach out and hold my hand every once in a while.
I asked him what he needed or wanted from me that he is not getting and he said, "Are you stupid? How old are you?" and I said, "I am obviously ignorant about your needs,so you should tell me what they ." And he said, "Nothing". He made a similar statement a couple of months ago when I thought we were going to work on the relationship together. I said, "I can't make you love me." and He said, "How do you know?" and when i asked him what I could do and he said, "You should know, at your age" or something like that.
My therapist is encouraging me to date, but it is so hard. For one thing, I have my own intimacy/commitment issues and my ex and I should be able to work things out....our first 3 months before I got pregnant were mutually satisfying. Why can't we recapture that?
