Confronted spouse...now he wont come home

[Abbey]

Yep. If feels like your heart is being jabbed with knives. Best thing I can say is stay CALM, stay CALM, stay CALM.

As for the holidays (hard I know) but I'd put it to him in a non threatening manner. My sitch, I put it to him as: I just got a facebook invite, blah blah. What do you want to do about that? Leave it with him. He might even say, I don't care, don't know, or I don't want to go. Don't react.... repeat... DON'T react. Just nod and walk away.

You've got a 50/50 he'll either change his mind on his own, or will turn around and think better of it. Don't announce you're going. (you can decide to go on your own.) Just try to: Depressurize,... that's your job right now. And as for getting stronger with the A,... think of it, as it might have to get worse, before it gets better. A's don't last. Most do not last. Period. You want that damn A to END when it's over. My H's A ended with unfinished business, and now we're paying the price for it. Let this thing play out, and run it's course. As wrong as it feels, like they're having their cake and eating it too, and it's unfair etc etc etc. You're absolutely right. But sometimes you have to choose between being right, or doing what you need to do, to get back your happiness.

Abbey