Val, Thank you for your kind words. When this began I never thought I would ever be happy and live again. What a strange and emotional journey this is.
TM, Some day, I’ll buy you that beer too.
Journaling: On Thursday, 10 November I logged onto to FB and here wishing a few brothers a Happy 236th birthday, and then departed for an extended GAL weekend.
I drove past JB’s biking territory, and I was in the vicinity of IS for the weekend. My cousin lives near Louisville. I met my cousin at his farm about 2:00 PM and we placed stands for use the next morning. I used a climbing stand for this hunt. I hunt high to mitigate scent and movement, so the next morning found me about 25 feet up a tree in a transit area where the terrain features cause deer to funnel through.
The pre dawn of Friday morning found me in my stand, bow in hand listening to the woods waking for the day. It was a little chilly early, but as the day wore on the weather was perfect for bow hunting with a light breeze out of the SSE. I had four deer pass by me in the morning.
Two of the deer waked through my shooting lanes presenting opportunities I chose not to take as they were both very young. A button buck (a young male born that spring) occupied the area at the base of my tree for about 10 minutes until his mother coughed and stomped calling him back into thicker cover. She may have seen me watching him, but they moved off slowly, so maybe not.
Late Friday afternoon a doe in estrus was chased by four bucks. She was either not ready to stand or did not like any of her suitors, as she ran from thick cover to thick cover, while her suitors debated among themselves for breeding rights. That kept me entertained for about 15-20 minutes.
Saturday was the beginning of rifle season and the tactics are slightly different. I hunted a little higher out of the same tree. I like to creep into stand and settle down a little earlier than other hunters as the hunters in the surrounding area will cause the deer to move around as they move into their locations.
Just as the sun peeked over the hill behind me I heard a deer approaching slowly through the leaf litter. He was moving slowly pausing often to survey the terrain before him. I think he had been startled earlier by another hunter moving into his area on an ATV on the other side of the hill to my front. I eventually picked out his shadowy form facing toward me between two trees about 55 yards out. As the sun illuminated him I eventually was able to make out small antlers on one side of his head.
My cousin and I generally pass up on a deer like this in the hope he will survive the current season and mature more. As the sun was finally fully raised and he had not moved I settled the rifle scope on him to get a closer look. With the added light and magnification of the rifle scope I was able to discern his antler growth was misshapen. Neither side contained a discernible brow tine, and the left antler was mostly a knobby protrudence that had fail to bifurcate. This then was a deer we would wish to cull. There are actually several deer in the area with similar appearance. Removal of their genetics from the herd is desirable.
After about 45 minutes he had slowly moved to where I could take a clean shot. This is the deer I have brought home to finish preparing for the freezer.
Sunday morning found me in the same stand again. The wind was blowing stronger and gusting enough to move leaves around. The wind combined with the volume of other hunters in the area caused my cousin and I to switch locations and still hunt a friends property that afternoon. We each saw deer that afternoon and evening, but did not attempt to take any.
I drove home Monday, the puppy had greatly missed me. He did not let me out of his sight until I left the house to check in with mom. She fared well and was happy I was home safe. During the weekend I foolishly opened an email from STBX that caused an hour or so of consternation. Nothing eventful and in the overall scheme of things just WAS static.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
Journaling: A couple of posts back I mentioned I was invited to Thanksgiving at one of my SIL’s homes. The invitation was tentative as it came from a SIL other than the host. I have three SILs.
On Saturday I spoke with the SIL hosting Thanksgiving. I am invited. I did not initiate the invitation. She wanted to confirm I would be present. I take this as positive reinforcement of my actions through this debacle.
There is some drama brewing over in STBX’s camp. It is tiresome.
In September we had a sit down meeting with the Ls present. Her L took notes. During the meeting we all agreed to accomplish several items. After accomplishing our tasks my L was to draft a proposal.
STBX is now prodding for a rapid advance on the disillusion proposal. What causes drama here is STBX and her L have not completed what is needed to move this forward. STBX is expecting output without providing input. The drama this causes has been minimally felt. It is not affecting my day to day nor am I losing sleep over it.
I meet with my L next week to draft a proposal based on what notes we have. With the upcoming holidays and lack of input from STBX I expect this to drag on into next year with counter proposals. In the mean time I will maintain positive contact with her family. To aid me I have requested a coaching session.
I finished the coaching session. We discussed various potential scenarios should STBX and I be present at Thanksgiving. I think it is an even money chance she’ll show up. So the challenge is how to be civil and handle myself with dignity and honor. It has been helpful to discuss the various what ifs with a neutral third party, and get advice on potential actions.
I have accomplished what preparations I can. I’ll go over it at least one more time before Thanksgiving. In the mean time I have a life to live
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
On Saturday I spoke with the SIL hosting Thanksgiving. I am invited. I did not initiate the invitation. She wanted to confirm I would be present. I take this as positive reinforcement of my actions through this debacle.
Hey that is good!! At-least her family knows you better than her. Good for you man!
[/quote]There is some drama brewing over in STBX’s camp. It is tiresome.[/quote]
Tell me about it. I can actually write up a nice book or make it into an afternoon soap. Come to think of it, i never understood those soaps before. But i never thought that my family life would start mimicking one !!
BITS M 38 W 36 D 7 Married 15 yrs W left for 6 months in 2009 W Filed for D 01/03/11 piecing now...
JS - Continue to stick to your guns about the input vs. output. It sukks but she wanted this.. she needs to do the work.
Originally Posted By: JustStunned
So the challenge is how to be civil and handle myself with dignity and honor.
I'm glad you have a gameplan... and I think it's important to have.. but I think it's even more important that YOU believe in your changes.
I think that we sometimes get caught up in our own fear with it comes to communication with our spouse. It's like even though we work on ourselves for months.. it can all go away with one interaction with them.
The truth is that IF our changes have been for ourselves all along.. the fear WON'T happen. It can't happen because that person no longer exists.
I don't know the old JS, but I know this one. You act civil and honorable because that is who you are. Don't give STBX power to take that away from me.
You'll handle Turkey Day like a champ!
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
Hello Just stunned, Thanks for posting on my thread. Was thinking about you today. Sounds like you had a good time hunting, getting outside.
Curious, havent found it on the boards anywhere, how did your thanksgiving dinner go with in laws?
Hope you are doing well. Called the Prior Service Recruiter down at my old unit the other day. Just for sh!ts and giggles. There is a wholesale slaughter going on in the Corps, manpower dropping from 206,000 down to 186,000 over the next few years. Reminds me what happened right after Desert Storm, so many people were getting passed over and early outs that I couldnt keep up on the paperwork, I was Battalion Career Jammer at the time!! The more things change, the more they stay the same!!
m 54 XW 48 m 12 t 14 bomb 6-11 s 10-11 wife moved to other state 10-21-11 d 9-12
O GOD THY SEA IS SO GREAT AND MY BOAT IS SO SMALL!
@MK, thanks for stopping by. My in laws are feeling a similar abandonment to mine. The difference between me and them is the work I am doing and the support I have here. In the past I would have tried to fix or care take their issue. I know now that I am not in a position to do so and that it would not be healthy for me to make the attempt. It is something I remind myself of daily.
Even though STBX didn’t show, the gameplan and the input from my coach had me more at ease and it showed.
This JS is not a hell of a lot different from the old pre STBX JS. I have fallen back on old training and lessons learned to get here. I am more in control of himself and more analytical during an interaction. I used to take people at face value and trust their motivations until proven otherwise. Now I try to determine the why and what motivates the behavior during the interaction. I realize it is a bit cynical, but the exercise permits me to be less reactive and measure my responses. I hope to trust someone as I once did STBX. This will serve until I do.
@Gunny, yes the DOD is gutting our beloved Corps again. I watched an interview the Commandant gave a few weeks ago where he outlined the reductions and justified it based on the changing mission. We’re going back to the beat cop until another call for all hands on deck happens. It never seems to change.
Journaling: Thanksgiving went well. I arrived early and after a little clumsiness pitched in with meal prep. Since the beginning of my involvement with this family I have pitched in with whatever. It is not in my nature to stand by and watch others work. If I cannot lead I’ll participate somehow.
SIL1 had prepared a large bird and it wasn’t quite done when we tested it the first time, so dinner was about an hour late. We snacked lightly, drank wine and yakked around the kitchen table while we waited. I was asked to carve the bird when it was done.
STBX did not show up. She had been invited, but chose not to attend. I have no idea where or how she spent her holiday, and for the most part I am not concerned with it. STBX was not a topic of discussion. She and this sitch were not a topic we consciously avoided at least I did not. We just had other things to talk about. Some of my GAL activities present and planned were talked about, but not the reasons for so much activity.
Friday found me assisting SIL2 moving from her apartment to a house. As the days moving activities winded down SIL1 began to vent about how she feels she has been treated by STBX. I tried to validate, but falling short asked if we could talk about something else. After a short silence we managed to move the conversation on.
SIL1 feels abandoned. She and STBX are the two oldest siblings. SIL1 is the oldest by a year and a half, and they have been close for as long as I have been around.
Saturday, my sister flew in to spend a week with mom, and I have taken the last three days off to spend time visiting.
Monday I met with the L. There is still pressure from STBX to move the D forward. I reminded my L that his counterpart had taken notes regarding the debt split at the last meeting. These notes were to be shared and be part of the draft proposal STBX is now complaining is late. He said he would contact her L regarding the debt split. So we are no further along than we were in September. I expect to hear from my L sometime this month. He did say that it was possible STBX may just file to force this forward. It does not matter as each path to walk contains its own brand of chaos and we still need to determine how to split the debt 50/50.
I felt pretty low Tuesday and did not sleep well. My mind was spinning over this whole pile of excrement. Today was a pretty good day visiting with mom and my sister. Since mom wanted to we prepped another Thanksgiving meal and spent the day together. Mom is getting pretty frail and this may be the last Thankgiving we spend together.
Tomorrow I go back to the office and dig out.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
Hello Stunned, Glad to hear you had a good thanksgiving. Sorry you were a little down yesterday, I know the feeling, glad you got to spend some time with your mom!!
Started watching Band of Brothes this week, only about 10 years too late, great show! S/F Gunny
m 54 XW 48 m 12 t 14 bomb 6-11 s 10-11 wife moved to other state 10-21-11 d 9-12
O GOD THY SEA IS SO GREAT AND MY BOAT IS SO SMALL!
@Gunny, I really liked the series. So much so I purchased the DVD set. My son acquired it prior to deploying.
Although IMO the production quality and writing is not as good I also enjoyed “The Pacific”. I had read Sledge’s account and the companion book to this series also. I would recommend these also when you are taking a break from self improvement vehicles.
My father was Navy, landed on Okinawa in the fourth wave. By his account it was a stand up, walk ashore landing, later not so much. He very rarely spoke about much of it. What I read in Sledge’s account and watched in The Pacific, mirrored what dad told me on rare occasion. For me these were touchstones to my father’s memory.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
Hi JS! I haven't posted on your thread in quite some time ... lost it when you created a new one. Anyway, you seem to be doing well ... in fact, great. I am glad your in-laws are still in your life. I hope it stays that way.
Your GAL is inspiring ... I rarely go out on a weekend (and during the week, only if I have class). And, I am feeling I should do something, but I do get a lot of school work done, so it's not as if I'm just lying about being morose. I am engaged in something.
What are your plans for Christmas?
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
