DB'ing is soooo hard!

[2thepoint]

I can definitely relate to your struggle with the OM. I have the same issue and what I've done is try not to focus on the OM so much. I've only mentioned it to my W 2 times and never again, (except here where I can vent and get the support I need). She won't own up to it so there's no sense in pursuing it any further at this point.

I think the best thing to do is just accept that the OM is a symptom of the larger R issue you are facing and not address the OM specifically. Besides what can you do about it anyway?

So, focus on your changes and DB efforts and ignore the OM as much as possible. Definitely don't bring it up with your W. It will only drive her further away from you (at least not until you are at the R stage which may or may not ever come).

Good luck!