First of all, do you want to be M or not? Simple as that.
If you want to be M, stop going onto the hookup sites. You're lonely, have no self-esteem right now and feel the need for validation from someone else right now. Understandable. But it's not right. It's not fair to you and it's definitely not fair to the girl you might hookup with because you aren't emotionally ready.
Second, your sitch isn't the first one to involve another person. A marriage can heal from this, BUT it has to start with you. You've only been at this a month and you think it's hard. From what I've seen, you haven't done any of the hard work.
"I read through the divorce busting book. Have no use for it now. My wife is a therapist thinking I might give it to her to use for work. Good idea or bad one?"
If you think the DB book is just for saving your M, you've missed the whole point of it. It's about saving you first and a guide to how you should be living. It's not a step by step playbook to manipulate your W into coming back into a situation that hasn't changed.
If you're truly done, why bother asking if it's a good idea or not to give it to her?
FWIW, I and dozens of other guys have been where you are. We get all the feelings including the ones of having a revenge A. You might argue back by saying that you're only doing it because you want someone to share your life with, blah blah blah. But in the end it's because you feel like the love of your life has discarded you and you've lost your self esteem.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
