This place is so comforting, thank you everyone for your responses!
I've actually already left my husband. Leaving him was the hardest day of my life, and it wasn't easy. He kept me up all night, telling me he wouldn't let me leave, and when I told him I'd call the police, he just started bawling and then he went to work. He is very unstable. I'm just taking the boys to see him for Thanksgiving. We are over 1000 miles apart.
I come from a very christian community. My church here is very supportive, and I have a counselor here who tells me my marriage is DONE short of a total transformation that only God can work in H.
Then I have a christian friend "there" who tells me to just try harder to respect and submit to him. So it gets tricky.
QS, my H is definitely guilty of a lot of those. A lot. I know, when I read those lists, it is kind of like a slap in the face, like...do I not see this for what it is? I'm beginning to, I think. It just takes strength (not to brag, I guess) that sometimes I don't have to say "no. enough is enough." His spiritual abuse is probably the worst of all, given that the only times he talks about God is when he is telling me I need to submit more or that God will never bless me in another marriage! I don't know where the second came from but he said it to me in one of his tirades.
I'm stressed about going to see him, but I foolishly said I would, and if I reneged, it would just completely enrage him and I'm afraid he'd try to force me and the kids back to where he is with an emergency custody order or whatever they're called. I've talked to a lawyer friend there. SO. I'm taking steps to protect myself while I'm there, and we won't be staying together. So hopefully it goes well.
I'm so glad this is here, and that everyone in this thread is so supportive! It helps me to not go obsess over his phone records and wish wish wish he would just change and be what I need him to be. Well, not need, anymore, right?
