Feel like I'm living the movie Groundhog Day...

[workinghardguy]

Journaling... nothing much yesterday. W worked and so did I. W didn't get home until kids' bedtime. We put them down and I immediately went into the basement to lift weights for an hour. Said nothing to her other than to tell her there was supper left still in the crockpot.

Came upstairs from lifting weights and, like clockwork, W strikes up a conversation. Tells me stories about her day and I keep my 180 of listening. I struggle on whether this is the right thing to do... or if I should be more dark and cut her off then go do my own thing. But actually listening, and not multi-tasking while listening, is a major 180 for me. So for now I will keep doing that. Should be we split up I certainly won't have to worry about that and it will have a different dynamic.

This morning I was on my way to drop S at school and saw a van in a driveway. Realized it was my W's very close friend who is stopping in town for a few weeks before her, her husband, and their four kids move to Japan for three years (H is in the Army). She saw me and waved so I stopped and said hi. I know her and like her (I drove the bus for her bachelorette party), and she gave me a big hug. I know that she is aware of what's going on, but I was upbeat and positive.

My W will spend a lot of time with this friend over the next few weeks as my W is very sad about the friend leaving for three years. I even told my W the other night to not worry about the babysitter thing we've discussed while her friend is in town. I know how much these two weeks mean to my W and so if she needs me to help out just let me know. I felt ok offering this as I would do this even if we were apart I think.

But my friend's W is interesting... she's still married. Her and her H have been together for 15 years probably and have four kids. They really aren't great together but have found a way. They've survived an A by her, an A by him, and then the H having a crack addiction. Three years ago, the H got addicted to crack (I know because I remember searching the woods for him in the dark after he fled their house in the middle of the night). H's solution to his crack addiction was to enlist in the Army.

So... with two kids at home and a W he enlisted and went off to the Army. My w's friend stayed with him. Not that she didn't think about leaving, but she didn't leave. She moved with him and then moved again. Then H was supposed to be assigned to training that would have set their family up well, but right before training H got a DUI which blew everything up.

So now the family has to go to Japan for three years instead of North Carolina. W had the option to move back to Wisconsin and send H off to Japan alone, but she refused. She is moving herself and all four kids to Japan to keep the family together.

I look at that in contrast to the "adversity" my W has faced (which is certainly no where near what her friend has faced... not even in the same solar system) and wonder what the hell the difference is between the two of them...