I never thought I would be here. WAW

[workinghardguy]

Ajay... c'mon man, pull yourself together! No, you cannot invite her over - do you really think she'll say yes? And if she did it would be out of pity, not care or desire... you don't want that.

And no... she is not going dark because you are not chasing her... in fact she hasn't "gone dark". Going dark is our term... it's our term for putting our lives outside the scope of our WAS. To create mystery and wonder about what's going on. About maybe there's something the WAS is missing out on. She isn't "going dark", she's living her life.

You have to live your life, and you have to do it without her. What are things you've always wanted to do but haven't been able to? What goals do you have that being with your W have prevented you from reaching?

Two examples from my life... should W and I split I have always wanted to go to law school. This doesn't mean I will, but it's on my radar screen and I will begin doing research to see if I can find a part-time, distance learning type law school. The other is I've always wanted to run for public office. Yes, I've already run for school board (but running unopposed for an office no one wants doesn't really count :)). So another goal would be to get more involved with our local party apparatus so that I can get to know people and work on positioning myself as a candidate some day.

In fact, I may just do #2 sooner rather than later and not wait for a D or no D.

You are not wasting your time however. You still want your M and are willing to work for it. This work though involves YOU, not her. You will grow and change. It may be enough it may not. But that is not a waste.

The last thing is if you need any consolation, know that she is thinking of you. How can she not be? But that doesn't mean she wants an R, wants to see you, or wants to be with you. She's hurting too... leave her be and live your life.